Quotes: w

I think you should know I worry a lot. Like the Nobel sperm bank. Something bothers me about the world’s greatest geniuses sitting around reading pornography and jerking off.

There is no point buying this car to travel from A to B. It is there for the sheer pleasure of driving, and you wouldn’t get to do that too often, because it’s often a long wait before you get your license back.

Sex is just the sublimation of the math urge.

A physicist is an atom’s way of knowing about atoms.

Mulberry: none of OUR employees have ever been arrested for international espionage.

And don’t tell me there isn’t one bit of difference between null and space, because that’s exactly how much difference there is.

Anyway, there’s plenty of room for doubt. It might seem easy enough, but computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.

Artificial intelligences make mistakes too, only faster.

Down that path lies madness. On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with melting snowballs.

If you consistently take an antagonistic approach, however, people are going to start thinking you’re from New York.

In general, they do what you want, unless you want consistency.

It ought to be illegal to yell ‘Y2K’ in a crowded economy

Lispers are among the best grads of the Sweep-It-Under-Someone-Else’s-Carpet School of Simulated Simplicity.

Randal said it would be tough to do in sed. He didn’t say he didn’t understand sed. Randal understands sed quite well. Which is why he uses Perl.

Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.

Tactical? TACTICAL!?!? Hey, buddy, we went from kilotons to megatons several minutes ago. We don’t need no stinkin’ tactical nukes. (By the way, do you have change for 10 million people?)

Unix is like a toll road on which you have to stop every 50 feet to pay another nickel. But hey! You only feel 5 cents poorer each time.

Well, enough clowning around. Perl is, in intent, a cleaned up and summarized version of that wonderful semi-natural language known as “Unix”.

What is the sound of Perl? Is it not the sound of a wall that people have stopped banging their heads against?

When in doubt, parenthesize. At the very least it will let some poor schmuck bounce on the % key in vi.

Your csh still thinks true is false. Write to your vendor today and tell them that next year Configure ought to “rm /bin/csh” unless they fix their blasted shell.

Before the Gulf War started, the Iraqi Army was the the fourth largest in the world. Now, its the second largest army in Iraq.

The later models can pack nearly half a pound of dynamite, enough to blow off the better part of a leg. A fair number of the mines have been washed away by rain or set off over the years by wild boar and deer – the noise of exploding wildlife is a well-known neighborhood sound for Germans living near the former border.

The point here is that the protagonists’ attempts to revise the “script” of history in “T2” parallel the director’s having to muck around with “T2”‘s own script in order for Schwarzenegger to be in the movie. Multivalent ironies like this – which require that film audiences know all kinds of behind-the-scenes stuff from watching Entertainment Tonight and reading Premiere magazine – are not commercial postmodernism at it’s finest.

Alright, dammit. What song is this from? I mean - I know it’s a Depeche Mode tune, but who covered it most recently?. Oooooo! Nevermind! It’s that Trent Reznor guy from Nine Foot Roailroad Ties or something, isn’t it?

Awright - don’t MAKE me whip out a bottle of Stoli, angst boy…

Faisal, I am at this moment checking your quote file. Don’t disappoint.

Hey now - don’t get to thinking you’re the only socially inept loser we have. You just happen to have passed the bar first. Lawyer.

However, you must be aware of the following procedures … otherwise you could find yourself checked into the Rain-Man Suite of the Hotel Smackdown.

I had a splitting headache, and Chris had to lead me around by the hand to liquor stores.

I just used an emoticon, I feel so unclean…

I’ll supply the buns (mine and otherwise) and enough angst for 20. If there’s call for any more, talk to Vince. He should be able to take up the slack.

In a word, Vodka. In a few more, Amaretto, Rum, Gin.

It’s an electro-industrial band - they’re playing at Heaven tonight. $5. That’s $29.95 too much.

It’s the urinal cakes - I swear to god. Try one.

Stick *this* in your pope and smite it!

Sure - long as it’s entertaining and cheap. On that note - I suspect I’ll spend the evening coding with kate.

That may well be, but *our* socially inept losers have hot wives and can pass the bar on their first try. Lose *this*.

The correct solution to a problem like this is to call my ass. If anyone’s gonna be at Bardo at some point on any given night, it’s gonna be me.

The glide point bloweth mine arse! Thinkpad nipples gooooood!

This is just like spin-the-bottle … only freakishly wrong.

Ultimately, communism cannot be, by definition, imposed by the state. Evidently, only Gene Roddenberry can pull it off. Er, God Rest His Ass.

We’ll be right there. By which I mean “Come over. We still have party drinks.”

Welcome to civilization– get away from me!

You couldn’t ruthless your way out of a food fight, you wuss.

There is little sense in worrying about winds and storms, for these things come and go of there own accord. Worry instead about your ship and crew, your supplies and sails, for over them alone have you command. Always remember that hard work is the hull of your ship, and careful planning the rigging that supports your sails. Curse not the Gods when your hopes and dreams seem certain to be crushed upon the rocks of reality. For it was you alone who charted the course, and you alone who must keep your dreams afloat.

Politicians write history. It’s too bad they don’t read it, too.

This Inauguration was special much in the way that some olympics are special. It doesn’t matter whether Georgie wrote that speech or even understood it. What does matter is that he participated. He did his best, and for that he deserves a medal and a big hug.

This world is a comedy for those who think but a tragedy for those who feel.

The history of African-Americans during the past 400 years is traditionally narrated as an ongoing struggle against oppression and indifference on the part of the American mainstream, a struggle charted as an upward arc progressing toward ever more justice and opportunity. This description is accurate, but there is another, equally true way of narrating that history, and its implications are as frightening for the country as a whole as they are for blacks as a group. The history of African-Americans since the discovery of the New World is the story of their encounter with technology, an encounter that has proved perhaps irremediably devastating to their hopes, dreams, and possibilities.

Orthodoxy is my doxy; heterodoxy is another man’s doxy.

I’m not really big on stats. Stats are really for fantasy football players.

…this is a dark and terrible era where you will find little comfort or hope. If you want to take part in the adventure then prepare yourself now. Forget the power of technology, science and common humanity. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for there is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter and the laughter of thirsting gods.

Art is what you can get away with.

Artists make things for people they don’t really need.

You have to do stuff that average people don’t understand, because those are the only good things.

It’s a small class; you might as well learn something.

If men are going to destroy the planet Earth and all its inhabitants with violence and wars, all men should be killed, to preserve the rest of human kind.

Excessive partiality for one foreign nation and excessive dislike of another cause those whom they actuate to see danger only on one side, and serve to veil and even second the arts of influence on the other. Real patriots who may resist the intrigues of the favorite are liable to become suspected and odious, while its tools and dupes usurp the applause and confidence of the people, to surrender their interests.

The United States is in no sense founded upon the Christian doctrine.

To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.

Unhappy it is, though, to reflect that a brother’s sword has been sheathed in a brother’s breast and that the once-happy plains of America are either to be drenched with blood or inhabited by slaves. Sad alternative! But can a virtuous man hesitate in his choice?

AOL really pushes that bozo theme to the limit, though.

BankAmerica Corp., the second-largest bank in the country and the largest in the Washington region, reported yesterday that $599 million in losses on securities trading in world markets and a loss of $372 million in bad loans to an investment and hedge fund firm in New York sent its third-quarter earnings down more than 78 percent. The company also revealed for the first time that it has an additional $1 billion in unsecured investments in the firm, D.E. Shaw & Co., and that it has purchased $20 billion in bonds and related securities from it. BankAmerica believes it will be able to hold those securities longer than Shaw could, allowing the bank to get a better price when the market turns around. “This is bad,” said Thomas F. Theurkauf, a bank analyst at Keefe, Bruyette & Woods Inc. in New York.

…six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.

WARNING: This page designed by programmers. According to our staff artists, viewing this page may be hazardous to your aesthetic health.

A note on foreign shipments: canadian orders get an additional $3.00 tacked on to shipping, the rest of the world gets an additional $10.00 – mostly because they’re not as good at hockey and lacrosse.

In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it.

UNIX developers design hard to use systems because they’ve only experienced hard to use sytems – it’s like child abuse.

Death Taxes Math Jazz

As Pretoria goes, so goes my Mother’s blood pressure.

I’d say I’m feeling a little under the weather, but considering Delaware’s weather, I’d say I’m right on par.

One could not be a successful scientist without realizing, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid.

You’ve got to try and be with people who are brighter than yourself, you’ve got to be prepared sometimes to do things that people say you are not qualified to do, and since you know you are going to get in trouble, you ought to have someone to save you after you are in deep sh*t, so you better always have someone who believes in you.

Careful. We don’t want to learn from this.

Just saying 'no’ prevents teenage pregnancy the way ‘Have a nice day’ cures chronic depression.

A friend is one who would help you move. A best friend is one who would help you move a body.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Several improbable, if not impossible, events would follow in succession. I would stand and struggle alone back to High Camp. Next day I’d stand again and negotiate the Lhotse Face. Then there would be the highest-altitude helicopter rescue ever. Those were the big things. The miracle was a quiet thing: I opened my eyes and was given a chance to try.

Mixing woomen and alcohol is best done with a blender.

Look. I’ve got ONE JOB on this lousy ship. It’s STUPID, but I’M GOING TO DO IT, okay?

I hate coke. I never drink it. I have never been able to get over the feeling that have I just payed a buck and a half for sugar water. Now diet coke? Diet coke is the deal of the century. For your measly dollar fifty you get to consume the sum total of thousands of years of technological invention and chemical experimentation. The alchemists, the scientists, the inventors, capitalists and robber-barons, chemists, industrialists, and metallurgists, all their creations have built up to this day when I can ingest a tiny aluminum can of chemicals manufactured to make me think I am consuming something.

An infinte number of rednecks, in an infinite number of pickup trucks, firing an infinite number of shotguns at an infinte number of road signs, will produce all the great works of litareture - in braille.

“Scalability” doesn’t refer to how easy it is to climb over your computer’s case.

The fastest HTTP requests are those that do not, in fact, occur.

Don’t make me make you hurt me.

Despite what you might think, we don’t just sit around mooning the hall monitor all day. Lots of people assume that a day at Bungie is a never-ending cavalcade of net games and bare buttocks, but there’s a great deal of real work involved as well. There’s a price to pay for all this glamour.

Did you know that Erwin Rommel earned the nickname “Desert Fox” after numerous officers saw him prancing naked across the African desert after dark with a dead chicken in his mouth? Don’t believe that “brilliant tactician” horse puckey for a second.

It’s not really possible to “like” Taco Bell, because Taco Bell isn’t really a choice. Sometimes you just need to eat a mystery meat burrito at two in the morning, just like sometimes you simply need to travel to Philadelphia. Life is funny that way.

My latest idea is for a beat-em-up game in the Mortal Wombat vein called Friedrich Nietzsche’s Art Of Fighting. The player basically has two kinds of attacks: the first attack will actually increase your opponent’s health bar, while the second will kill the opponent instantly no matter how stronger he or she is. Thus, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, in every possible sense. I’m sure there’s a market for it.

Nobody likes a smartass. Unless you happen to be me, in which case you are adored by millions. Fifty Million Webmaster Fans Can’t Be Wrong.

Right now IBM is running all these commercials focusing on these generally clueless businesspeople who just sit around surfing the web instead of working. And the first e-mail I get from an ibm.net address is from someone who apparently has nothing better to do than look at our webcam all day. Kinda funny when you think about it. Next time anyone asks me why OS/2 didn’t catch on, I’ll point them your way.

The Enforcer’s reproductive methods are a subject for another day. A really bad day.

There’s a time-worn adage about good things coming to those who wait, and another hoary old chestnut about Rome taking a long time to build, and another one about never judging a software company until you have walked a mile in their moccasins and coded a 3D engine with real terrain, real physics, and nut-crushing lightning effects. So cut us a little slack, jack.

I’m so insecure, I’ve put child safety seats on all of my mood swings.

Relative calm is expected in South Central Los Angeles for the next several weeks, as looters stay home and try to program their new VCRs.

Anyone who wanted to force me out of this business will have to settle for the consolation prize of me having to tediously inform sources of a new e-mail address.

I’m the kind of person with a nerf gun who’ll shoot you if you cause me any problems

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.

You will be impressed by my flawless German, thanks to the magic of speaking in English and being translated.

You know, I want to just advise people watching at home playing that now-popular drinking game of ‘You take a shot whenever Republicans say something that’s not true:’ Please assign a designated driver.

Any machine constructed for the purpose of making decisions, if it does not possess the power or learning, will be completely literal-minded. Woe to us if we let it decide our conduct, unless we have previously examined the laws of its action, and know fully that its conduct will be carried out on principles acceptable to us! On the other hand, the machine… which can learn and can make decisions on the basis of its learning, will in no way be obliged to make such decisions as we should have made, or will be acceptable to us. For the man who is not aware of this, to throw the problem of his responsibility on the machine, whether it can learn or not, is to cast his responsibility to the winds, and to find it coming back seated on the whirlwind. I have spoken of machines, but not only of machines having brains of brass and thews of iron. When human atoms are knit into an organization in which they are used, not in their full right as responsible human beings, but as cogs and levers and rods, it matters little that their raw material is flesh and blood. What is used as an element in a machine, is in fact an element in a machine. Whether we entrust our decisions to machines of metal, or to those machines of flesh and blood which are bureaus, and vast laboratories and armies and corporations, we shall never receive the right answers to our questions unless we ask the right questions… The hour is very late and the choice of good and evil knocks at our door.

You should never stand in love’s way, especially if love is driving a bus.

To err is human…to really foul up requires the root password.

In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, ‘Let there be Light.’ And there was still nothing. But, you could see it a lot better.

Neither an explication of the principles of ubiquitous computing nor a list of the technologies involved really gives a sense of what it would be like to live in a world full of invisible widgets. To extrapolate from today’s rudimentary fragments of embodied virtuality resembles an attempt to predict the publication of Finnegan’s Wake after just having invented writing on clay tablets.

You only have three or four hundred words to do this and please don’t do it in Zapf Dingbats

Never be fatalistic about the inevitability of nuclear war or the destruction of our environment. There are ways to avoid the holocaust and to make the world a cleaner place. We must never cease to search for them.

Miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly hard for them.

The Internet is like one of those garbage dumps outside of Bombay. There are people, most unfortunately, crawling all over it, and maybe they find a bit of aluminum, or perhaps something they call sell. But mainly it’s garbage.

Don’t pay attention to a word the press says. Wrap yesterday’s fish in whatever they say tomorrow.

millihelen, n.: The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.

The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.

There is no difference between Time and any of the three dimensions of Space, except that our consciousness moves along it.

My name is Raquel Welch. I am here for visual effects, and I have two of them.

mechanical engineers build weapons. civil engineers build targets.

And I proclaim that this newsgroup will not die, because it has a cool name. Long live the butt-harp!

I just plugged and played!

Something’s wrong with my monitor settings. This background looks like an Andy Warhol painting.

You have to feel the delete. Be the delete.

We are men of action. Lies do not become us.

Emacs would have loaded the poor machine to the point where there was no more time to spend animating the dinosaurs, and everyone would have been home by lunchtime. And that would have made a very boring movie.

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.

When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better.

I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.

If the whole human race lay in one grave, the epitaph on its headstone might well be: ‘It seemed a good idea at the time’.

This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.

I am fine, really… See, I can still remember my password…

There is an unwritten law in the making of any vampire work. This law is the law concerning the vampire ho. There must be at least three, and they must all act like lesbian sluts together. NO ONE IS COMPLAINING.

Turns out that with Jason Shellen that wasn’t really much of a deterrent. “Why don’t you make an Atom parser in Javascript?”, he asked. Which, for the non-geeks, is his asking me to make something that turns something into something else which could be used to represent data that was basically about cat photos.

Are you kidding me? If I had a submission posted, that would make me cool, and that would begin the slow unraveling of the very fabric of space-time. If this post isn’t the poster-child for karma whoring, I don’t know what is. I am Jack’s.sig

Meeting chicks? Dude. I was 13. If you’d have put a naked girl and a 720 degrees set to free play in front of me, I would have said, “Skate or Die!” as I pushed her aside.

So I’m back from outerspace, and I just came in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I changed my stupid IP, I even changed my URL. The only thing left to do is put up pics of naked girls!!

I think the mistakes I’ve made in my own life have plagued me, but they’re pretty boring mistakes: I committed a series of grisly murders in the eighties and I think I once owned a Wilson-Phillips Album.

Nikki Finke says the Terminator concept is played. Well, here’s what I have to say to Nikki Finke: you are a fine journalist and please don’t ever notice me.

The problem with the third act is the first two acts.

We got into a problem with that. We kept saying, “This monster can’t be killed.” It’s like, “Well, have you used violence?”

Whether it’s tax policy or dieting, you can’t have your cake and lose weight, too, which is why America currently has huge deficits and a lot of fat people.

Minority report given by Joshua and Caleb: Nahbi’s report of giants in the land partly due to his using binoculars for which he was not checked out. Besides, God is bigger. Recommendation: Let’s Rumble

If you like caffeine and can’t stand coffee, drink Mountain Dew. If you drink a case of the stuff within a short amount of time, you can’t blink. It’s really cool.

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

I don’t know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens.

No one should come to live in New York unless he is willing to be lucky.

No two countries with a MacDonald’s Restaurant have ever gone to war with one another.

The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.

It is the business of the future to be dangerous.

There are no whole truths; all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.

The vigor of civilized societies is preserved by the widespread sense that high aims are worth-while. Vigorous societies harbor a certain extravagance of objectives, so that men wander beyond the safe provision of personal gratifications. All strong interests easily become impersonal, the love of a good job well done. There is a sense of harmony about such an accomplishment, the Peace brought by something worth-while.

Wake up Harry, you’re having a very important nightmare.

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.

If the shoe were on the other foot, Microsoft would have left it in and called it a feature.

If fighting were like this, you guys would never see me. I’d be at the mall picking fights every night.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

The authors take no credit for hurt feelings or crushed egos, and that being said, all death threats will be laughed at. In other words, it’s a story. You bring your lawyers, we’ll bring our automatic weapons, it’ll be a party.

You have to travel to America to truly understand what it means to think big.

Overall, however, the adaptation falls flat, lacking the true grit of its characters, lacking, in fact, in both the Fear and Loathing Departments.

The broken network is the broken computer.

A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.

Men were made big, and small. Samuel Colt made them all equal. Now, Gaston Glock has made some better than others.

net access at denny’s, and a big gun. cool.

Please refrain from touching that extremely cool piece of equipment.

Physics is becoming so unbelievably complex that it is taking longer and longer to train a physicist. It is taking so long, in fact, to train a physicist to the place where he understands the nature of physical problems that he is already too old to solve them.

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes.

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable we have to change it every six months.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet’s dream; it is a most depressing and humiliating reality.

The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.

The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.

The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.

To do nothing is the most difficult thing in the world – the most difficult and the most intellectual.

Football is a mistake. It combines two of the worst things about American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.

happiness is not a condition that is produced or stands on its own; rather, it is a frame of mind that accompanies an activity. But another frame of mind comes first. It is a steely determination to do well.

If you want to understand your government, don’t begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today’s statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles beginning with the word “National”.

Am I the only one who thinks MC Hammer and Rammstein should play at Hammerstein?

Could you turn the light down from ‘Inquisition’ to ‘mellow?’

I thought they weren’t gonna let me in, cuz i’m not dressed dumb.

It’s ‘Thorns’? I thought it was called ‘all fat chicks on the dancefloor’.

Oh Bite Me, It’s Fun

uunet doesn’t have outages. they have unscheduled network de-optimizations.

Some days - usually Mondays - I wish I had someone to tell me what I should be doing. I mean besides thousands of Blogger users.

The movie is safeguarded from spoilers, because spoiling it would require understanding what the hell happened.

I had some ideas about some performance art with a guy named Jeremy. Only it’s *Ron* Jeremy!

Why can’t we just shoot him in the head. Can we do that? Just shoot him, right in the head. God help me…

It’s an exercise in understanding exactly what the Internet community wants: namely, a handsome shirtless man beating a pirate-shaped piñata with a petrified fish for the amusement of Demi Moore.

We Americans, we’re a simple people… but piss us off, and we’ll bomb your cities.

I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

Don’t confuse arrogance with chronic correctness.

Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head. You’ll find what you need to furnish it — memory, friends you can trust, love of learning, and other such things. That way it will go with you wherever you journey.”

It’s been a horrible year for Disney. I’m all for gentlemanly fair play. I enjoy a nice sporting match. But it’s time to kick Disney when it’s down. Why? Because when it comes back up, it will be buying the Social Security system and using new revenues to pipe the lyrics to “Be Our Guest” subliminally from low Earth-orbiting satellites. I’ll turn into a lobotomized Angela Lansbury in her younger years, and animatronic bluegrass-loving bears will run the DMV.

If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream and never be our destiny.

It’s not a slippery slope, it’s a vertical drop into oblivion here.

Or, to use Occam’s Razor, they are unbelievably stupid.

The Washington Redskin’s season hinges on the performance of their head coach and starting quarterback. What insight! What talent! Surely, the brainiacs that come to such conclusions could only work for a major newspaper like The Washington Post!

As for the larger question of whether our books are suitable for learning how to program: I was first going to contradict what ‘the publisher’ said in his article, but then I noticed that he was quoting me. I quickly changed my strategy.

You know what I hate? It’s all the ‘My’ stuff these days. Hailstorm has MyProfile, MyNotifications, MyContacts (I lose them all the time), MyWallet, MyUsage… Please! I’m not a three year-old or a Jack Russell Terrier. I’m not mesmerized by the first person singular possessive pronoun. I know that if it’s in Hailstorm it’s not mine; Microsoft has it and charges me to use it. I’m old-fashioned; I keep MyWallet in MyPants, next to MyAss. And guess what you can do, MyCrosoft?

That’s the beautiful thing about working in the financial markets; eventually, stupid stuff happens.

HEY NOW!!!! YOU’RE MAKING ME WRITE IN ALL CAPS.

i don’t blame you. it sounds like the time for her to get OUT of the 7th grade is: now.

i don’t think i even need to comment on the extreme idiocy of the rest of that forward. i would, however, like to comment on the fact that burning man makes me spew exclamation points like there’s no tomorrow. it’s kind of scary.

… i found myself making pissy comments about all their pissy comments. it was pretty dumb.

I HEART CHEAP IRONY

i think what modern art needs to do next is staple marilyn manson to a wall. shock value PLUS the crucifixtion cliche!

i think you should rework that statement. a much more useful version is: “From now on, anyone gets smacked.”

If you go to school with 1,500 kids in cheap chinos and brew-thru tshirts, 50% of them wear baseball caps and %75 percent like emmet swimming while %23 prefer pearl jam, how many people do you know that totally suck? Also, if %97 of the girls squeal a LOT and talk about beer, how many do you kill?

In the interest of obnoxiousness, and also so that people who don’t know me personally won’t recognize me on the street, these images are all one of 3 things: stupid, old or embarassing. Because we all know i *never* act or look that way anymore. Yeah.

I’m Marilyn Mansonite Zero! I’m SSOOOSOo Energetically moody.

i’m not sure when my feelings towards design turned from interest to hate. oh no wait, i AM. i guess that would be when i SOLD OUT.

join the club, learn the handshake, shoot yourself.

Look! A GothiKKKKKKKK Wanker!

on a side note, i seem to have finally gotten over my “stupid men” phase. this probably means i’ll go back into my “nun” phase or my “angst” phase or perhaps just stay here stuck in my annoying “quotes” phase.

quotesfiled. i love how i always inform people of that, like it’s some BIG HONOR that requires notification. “Look! I have validated not only your witty speech patterns, but also your existance! ON THE WEB!”

SO, U WANT TO BE AN ARTIST? OR JUST ACT LIKE ONE? WELL NOW U CAN! 4 ONLY $75, U 2 CAN SPEND A WEEK IN THE DESERT, ROUGHING IT WITH OTHER ‘CREATIVES’ AND MAKING ‘CONCEPT PIECES’ ON THE INTERNET! DON’T FORGET TO PACK YOUR ATTITUDE, YOUR WILLINGNESS TO PAY FOR FAKE INSPIRATION AND COMMUNITY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOUR IGNORANCE!

Speaking of Marilyn Manson, there are no spooky kids here. What there are instead are millions of mosquitos. They try to suck your blood, but at least they don’t try to do it while going to the Bank wearing capes and fangs and K-RAD plastic pants.

when i was a freshman here i dated this horrible guy who used to wear ruffly shirts like that, becuase he was SUPERGOTH. he turned out to just be a big wanker. which is really the same thing.

wow - that’s an impressive headache. it causes pain AND sounds like a bad art film. oh no wait, those are the same thing.

wow - they’re, like, BURNING their art! how cool! how anti-establishment! how esoteric! watch them as they cut the edge!

You’re using irc? I’m not going to talk to you any more. You know what’s next, right? “Vampire: The Masquerade”

It is impossible, by examining any significant piece of completed code, to determine within a factor of two how many man-hours it took to produce that code.

Talking about a software development schedule more than a year out is like talking about where we go after we die.

pilots are usually the first to arrive at the scene of a crash

There’s a fine line between glamor and trash, and I don’t care if I cross it as long as I’m drenched in fake fur.

Your professor was a bozo. Unless he was somebody important, of course :-)

Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures; costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who receives, and thus, like mercy, is twice blessed.

People have never respected Matrox and that’s because its name features conventional capitalisation. Anyone who is serious about making good 3D cards ensures that their names have an odd mix of capital and lower case letters: 3Dfx, nVidia and even lowly ATi nowadays.

Another person who’s smarter than I. What a relief to not have to be the smartest guy anymore.

Art and money are closely related. Try sitting down with a group of artists and ask them what’s on their mind. Very quickly the topic shifts to money. And it can be very hard to get them off that subject.

Christmas parties for the last few years have been all about, “Oh, we’re about to do our IPO” or “Oh, the greatest thing is, we’re pre-IPO.” That’s wishful thinking. Maybe they’ve never heard of Murphy’s law. It’s boring. Money is boring.

Everything on the Internet is just like something else. Or if it’s any good it’s just like /everything/ else.

I don’t want to say these things. That’s why I’m saying them. You may not want to hear them. That’s why you should hear them.

I edit in public. You may catch me saying something that I change my mind about later. When I see it on SN it looks different than when I type it in my outliner. You may not like this. Your sole recourse is to complain about it, over and over, in every possible forum, and say I’m corrupt or that you’re threatened by this, but (key point) that won’t change the way I write.

I was once quoted in Upside, saying that General Magic’s MagicCap OS was like a waitress who made her personality the issue instead of the food. The metaphor was actually a bit more colorful.

I looked up ‘standard’ in the dictionary. There are eleven different definitions.

If you say Java again I’m going to puke.

Mark Pilgrim is accumulating bad news about Groove. Let me add a three items to Mark’s list. 1. No Mac version. 2. Closed box. 3. $51 million from Microsoft.

Note that no one asked Mike if his code was open source or if his underwear is clean.

OK, he’s a Yankees fan. Now I know why I don’t like him.

One thing’s for sure, in the war between freedom and fear, our side is going to have better t-shirts.

Over the weekend I exchanged email with a Unix guy who chastised me for being “insular” and proposed to tell me how to speak to Unix people with proper humility. Well, I only pray to one God in relation to computers, and His name is Murphy

That reminds me that everyone I knew at KnowNow is now somewhere else, so I don’t really know anyone at KnowNow, now.

The infrastructure of the US is a long-term suspension of disbelief that such things won’t be exploded deliberately by people who don’t create anything.

The music industry, run by a bunch of people who probably understand music about as well as Steve Case and his little buddy do, stuff a cork up the ass of the distribution channel, and then complain about all the shit that’s splattered all over the place. That there’s demand for music delivered over the Internet is totally obvious. For the 18th time in eight years, we’re waiting for the idiots to get out of the way and let the goddam business develop.

The NY Times editorial page is still name-calling and dividing, a sure formula for continuing agony. A ton of unnecessary conjecture, when the reason for impeachment is now obvious. Clinton was blowing off the Republicans, and they decided to blow him away. Now that everyone has acknowledged each other’s power to blow in one way or another, the NY Times editorial page, which is a worldwide opinion leader, could get a clue and join the cause they’re promoting, leadership.

This is a good time to review the state of distributed computing because it’s not totally messed up yet.

We’ve been told to expect stunning breakthroughs from people who are expert in RDF. We’ve been waiting for years. When they come we will be suitably impressed.

What about the personal information they ask for (gender, age, occupation). He said “You don’t have to tell the truth.” You’re telling me to lie? He said he didn’t say that. Of course I lied. I’m a female government employee born on this day in 1980.

When you hear “ecosystem” instead say “egosystem” and see if it still works.

Write the first draft. Boldface the bits you want to emphasize. Delete all the unboldened stuff. Delete the boldening.

Yes it’s sad they died. Yes. But it’s also great that they lived.

You get the software you pay for. In every sense. To the nth degree. That’s the way the world works.

You guys love us. But when Microsoft comes along and offers weblogging tools, you will use them, and will be happy, but will find an element of sadness underneath the satisfaction. You will remember how good we were, but that won’t matter. You’ll remember how we believed in the Web, as you do, and didn’t try to change your content or force your readers to use Passport, or try to kill your favorite platform vendor, or how we supported choice in tools, instead of trying to lock you in to our way of doing things. You’ll use the tools that everyone else uses, because you accept that you are slaves to The Machine. You’ll wish it weren’t so, but that’s just the way it is.

A random old-time Lisp hacker’s collection of macros will add up to an undocumented, unportable, bug-ridden implementation of 80% of Haskell because Lisp is more powerful than Haskell.

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.“

The computer industry is journalists in their 20’s standing in awe of entrepreneurs in their 30’s who are hiring salesmen in their 40’s and 50’s and paying them in the 60’s and 70’s to bring their marketing into the 80’s.

Desi was odd, and Gloria wasn’t altogether sure that she liked her. Or maybe she liked her a lot. Both were reasons to back away. She decided to go and ask Doris about the nature of affection, but Doris had been put to work on a papier-mache heathen temple and didn’t have time to be metaphysical….

For a moment Gloria felt her diving bell keel to one side: her mother had managed to score a direct hit despite eighteen years of careful preparation. Was there no justice in the world? No. She thought about an article she had once seen on mind control. Apparently if there was a person fiendish enough to set about interfering with your life, the only thing you could do was to concentrate hard on someone they were unlikely ever to have heard of called Martin Amis. The particular blankness of this image was guaranteed to protect from any subtle force, but Gloria realised with a sinking heart that it was too late now.

…the true artist is always rich. I have no patience with those who toil away in squalor, claiming to develop new art forms. The experimental novel is a waste of public funds, and I’m sure Noah would agree with me.

We were so happy those wet carefree nights. I felt we were like Dr. Watson and Sherlock Holmes. I knew my place. And then Catherine said she was leaving. She didn’t want to do it but she felt that a writer doesn’t make a good companion. ‘It’s only a matter of time,’ she said, ‘before I become an alcoholic and forget how to cook.’ I suggested we wait and try to ride it out. She shook her head sadly and patted me. ‘Get a dog.’

I view the landslide of C use in education as something of a calamity.

Increasingly, people seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication, which is baffling – the incomprehensible should cause suspicion rather than admiration. Possibly this trend results from a mistaken belief that using a somewhat mysterious device confers an aura of power on the user.

People seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication.

Hi, I’m new to this group and was reading about cyberpunk. I was wondering if there is a version out for the macintosh??? If so could someone please let me know, and tell me what is required to run it.

Never rise to speak till you have something to say; and when you have said it, cease.

All right, this is the plan. We’ll get in there and get wrecked. Then we’ll eat a pork pie. Then we’ll go home and drop a couple of Surmontil 50’s each. That means we’ll miss out on Monday, but come up smiling on Tuesday morning…. Nothing ever happens on Mondays. I hate bastard Mondays.

Mathematics is a logical method … Mathematical propositions express no thoughts. In life it is never a mathematical proposition which we need, but we use mathematical propositions only in order to infer from propositions which do not belong to mathematics to others which equally do not belong to mathematics.

Philosophers are often like small children who scribble random marks on paper and then ask an adult, "What is this?”

The riddle does not exist. If a question can be put at all, then it can also be answered.

There can never be surprises in logic.

We could present spatially an atomic fact which contradicted the laws of physics, but not one which contradicted the laws of geometry.

A certain critic - for such men, I regret to say, do exist - made the nasty remark about my last novel that it contained ‘all the old Wodehouse characters under different names’. He has probably by now been eaten by bears, like the childrenwho made mock of the prophet Elisha: but if he still survives he will not be able to make a similar charge against Summer Lightning. With my superior intelligence, I have outgeneralled the man this time by putting in all the old Wodehouse characters under the same names. Pretty silly it will make him feel, I rather fancy.

I’m the misfit of the group, and I think they need me like a beauty pageant needs a Nosferatu.

It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye… then it’s fun and games without depth perception!

To truly appreciate the dramatic arc of the story of Louis and Wired, you have to understand that he was nobody. He had no experience, no credentials, no credibility, no connections. He was 42 years old when he launched Wired, and he had never accomplished anything that an accomplished person would take seriously. Not to mention that his idea for a magazine, if you analyzed it in any businesslike way, was a very bad one.

Selections from THE GEORGE BUSH HAIKU COMPETITION: Bush goes to Japan; Loses tennis, lunch and face; Winter of vomit

At the beginning of the Portal development process, we sat down as a group to decide what philosopher or school of philosophy our game would be based on. That was follwed by about 15 minutes of silence, and then someone mentioned that a lot of people like cake.

Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will never, ever get it out.

crop circles are just the aliens’ way of publishing their public keys.

I’m Network Spice.

Sashimi Camarilla. Covert fish eating activities. Route some unagi my way.

The amount of time spent talking about emacs - an infinitely customizable kitchen-sink editor and travesty of lisp that you no longer want to customize after you’ve invested semi-infinite time learning it to the point where you can actually customise it to the way you’d have expected an editor to function before you’d succumbed to the meme of emacs and how RMS believes an editor should work despite years of human-interface work to the contrary - was disproportionately large compared to the time spent talking about gcc.

Wow! So tell me, how does a functional illiterate like yourself get a job at an RBOC these days? Mmm, perhaps that’s a foolish question. Did you ever think it would be your inability to communicate that would make you this famous? Can I have your autograph?

It’s what you learn *after* you know it all that counts.

There is no limit to what a man can do or how far he can go if he doesn’t mind who gets the credit.

SCSI is *NOT* magic. There are *fundamental technical reasons* why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain now and then.

Use the root password for an important host, and listen carefully for someone shouting “YES!!!”

All good work is done in defiance of management.

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.

Lock up your libraries if you like, but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.

People would rather live with a problem they cannot solve rather than accept a solution they cannot understand.

Woo hoo! Laid off! 2001 will go down in history as the “Year of Getting Laid… Off.”

I guess we’re getting a valuable education learning what it’s like being a drudge in a major corporation. When you get into a tedious job, so that year after year you begin praying for death as an escape from the monotony of it all, you’ll know this class helped prepare you for it.

I was asked back in the early days of the lawsuit [against Microsoft] to write an Op-Ed piece for the New York Times, but they didnt print it. I got a letter back from the editor months later saying that maybe theyd run it, but it needed a little fixing. So, [I said] re-write it. I wrote Microsofts a monopolist and the Times wanted to edit it to say, Microsoft is innovative. The funny thing is that I had started out in my own head without having a bias. I thought Microsoft did a lot of things that were good and right building parts of the browser into the operating system. Then I thought it out and came up with reasons why it was a monopoly. I specified the strong penalties they should undergo. Eventually I found out that the New York Times had tight friendship ties with Microsoft and that one of Microsofts key people had an editorial column in the Times. They were trying to use me. But I know newspapers. They have the first amendment and they can tell any lie knowing its a lie and theyre protected if the persons famous or its a company.

So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’

No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.

The two most important tools an architect has are the eraser in the drawing room and the sledge hammer on the construction site.

No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris … [because] no known motor can run at the requisite speed for four days without stopping…

Heaven is by Grace. If it was by merit you’d stay out & your dog would go in.

Sex with Rachel was great. It was amazing. It was like a concert, it really was. She screamed a lot. And threw frisbees around the room. And when she wanted more, she’d light a match.

The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven … I almost went back in time.

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I was wondering how you got him out of the house and into manray. He looked like living death. Then again we all looked like living death. Some of us on purpose.

The only person who got all his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

Originally employed in 1982 as a form of psychoacoustic mood therapy for latent homosexuals, synthpop has since mutated into a form of psychoacoustic mood therapy for latent homosexuals.

When you killed your daughter, your pulse never rose above normal. We’re alike in that way, but my crimes will be grander, I assure you. One day I will put out the sun, and make bare every womb that ever was.