Quotes: c

Asking where Lotus Notes is now is a bit like asking what Jennifer Aniston’s been doing with herself since her 1992 appearance in an episode of the TV show Herman’s Head. The fact is that more people now know about Aniston–and Notes–than they ever did. And the longer people are exposed to either, the less they like the experience.

I’ve always thought that Salon should extend that naming strategy and offend some other classes of people by launching Jews Who Spend Money and Southerners Who Marry Outside the Family.

Everybody understands what concurrency means? Two lies at once.

NFS was a leap forward from one miserable file system, to many united miserable file systems.

We have a few lies that we can use to make bigger lies, called network models.

Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar.

We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.

Will you come quietly, or must I use earplugs?

My mother said that cancer is like one long existential moment. Because when you are dying, everything is different. Everything looks different. Everything feels different. Because you are different. All at once you are stripped down to what you really are: mortal. And one of the first things you realize is that everyone is dying. Your parents are dying. Your children are dying. And the really amazing thing is that none of them seem to know. They are all so concerned with your wellbeing because you might die that night or in a year or two, when they are all in the same imminent danger. And you want to scream at them: Don’t you see? Your house could burn down tonight. You could fall down the stairs and snap your spine. A small plane could crash on the freeway, taking your Volvo with it in a hail of fire. Your cells are, at this very moment, breaking down and disintegrating and aging one by one. You’re sick. You need to take stock of your life. You need to follow your bliss. You need to save your soul.

Do you know who I am? Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I’ve killed over the years? I mean, look at you. You don’t even have a name tag. You’ve got no chance. Why don’t you just fall down?

All of these free condoms are really burning a hole in my pocket.

We don’t like your music. We like music with instruments.

If my mind had the power to heal me, you would think it would also have the power to keep me out of graduate school. No such luck.

Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and a different presentation, regardless of whether it works.

It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems into a single complex interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea.

It is always something. (corollary). Good, Fast, Cheap: Pick any two (you can’t have all three).

It is easier to move a problem around (for example, by moving the problem to a different part of the overall network architecture) than it is to solve it. (corollary). It is always possible to add another level of indirection.

It is more complicated than you think.

Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor understood unless experienced firsthand. Some things in networking can never be fully understood by someone who neither builds commercial networking equipment nor runs an operational network.

God put me on this Earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will never die.

I try to make everyones life a little more surreal.

It’s not denial… I’m just very selective about the reality I accept.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little pratice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer conglomerates. Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? It’s a beautiful world all right.

The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.

Bwah ha ha! I am evil and judgemental! My prejudices are all defensible, my assessments accurate, my generalizations sweeping and all inclusive. Any evidence to the contrary be damned. Ridiculus andidotal trife!

Gay friendly. No smoking. No drugs. No pets. No cooking meat (much). No cooking pets. Clean, quiet. No cooking clean quiet pets. Must recycle.

Get to know me before you hate me. Oh-no. I’ll hate you right now, thank you. It’s usually too tough to get to know someone and what makes them tick so I’ll hate you without any basis except my desire to quickly and efficiently categorize people.

I can appreciate what he’s doing, which is creating a fetish club that isn’t for fat people.

I don’t know if my strategy works for anyone else, but if people don’t find me attractive, I simply assume they’ve missed something and tell them how pretty I am.

I don’t mean to sound like a snob (!?), but what’s the story with the term “Gravers?” Are we talking about the geeks with the bad hats? Canes? White face paint? Crow make-up? Sunglasses at night? Long coats in the summer sun? These people are at the top of many lists for gothic clubbing. I don’t mean clubbing in the ‘attending nightclubs on a regular basis’ sense, I mean ‘knocked on the head like a harp seal until twitching ceases’ variety.

It’s a done deal. You cannot be static and not think the trash won’t catch up with you - nothing is beyond the reach of a wannabe. Whatever you do that sticks out will eventually be picked up by the garbage eating mainstream. Either weather the storm, keep moving and changing your style, or sit in a corner with me and whine about the way things used to be even though they never were.

It’s just an act to get you off your guard. I’ll be down your pants b4 you can say “spank your own damn monkey!”

Let’s be scientific. Are you a Gemini?

My new concept is gothic clubbing. That’s not as in going to clubs, that’s as in harp seals. The list goes like this: anyone with a hat - club; white face - club; crow makeup - club; spikes - club; rave dancing on the floor - club; leather jacket in the summer - club; singing along outloud - club.

You see! We may not agree on many points, but it takes someone we all despise to galvanize our dislikes so we band together to form an ugly mob. Go hate!

When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.

This is a one line proof… if we start sufficiently far to the left.

All applicants from outside the English speaking world must possess a fluent command of English before admission. Cambridge accepts that the United States of America is a part of the English speaking world, but only just.

If you set your goals ridiculously high and it’s a failure, you will fail above everyone else’s success.

*WARNING: These cartoons are merely satire and exaggeration. Camp Chaos is not a spokesman for Napster Inc., the recording industry, Metallica, or Motley Crue, or Who Wants to be a Millionaire? for that matter. We make silly cartoons which we hope people, like you, will enjoy. If you want serious political discussion and opinion regarding copyright laws, MP3s, or anything related, call the Supreme Court or your Mom. You won’t find anything seriously addressing these issues on our site. But there is one thing we’re serious about: elves. If you’re an actual elf from a mystical forest, we hate you and your whole elfin family. Elves bad!

A threesome? I’d love to have two guys. One could paint the walls while the other cleaned up the kitchen. That would be such a turn on.

And every spring, a new graduating class enters the workforce. Some have a well-rounded view of operating systems, but for many there is only Unix.

[A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.

If it can kill you, it can probably get you high.

Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.

Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.

If the world were clear, art would have no purpose.

You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question.

Opinions expressed by said attorney do not reflect those of any rational person or his dog. This communication via the Internet does not constitute legal advice; no attorney client privilege has been established. Believe me, if this was legal advice, you would get a really really big bill.

As for Denny’s, sure, just as long as it isn’t Denny’s.

Never assume intelligence.

I went to Oracle with an open mind. It was an incredible waste of openmindedness.

You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.

point out to me one person who’s ever worked for Steve Jobs twice. You’re kind of disposable in Steve’s eyes – and I’ve been disposed of. All the ex-Mac people will tell you, you only drink purple Kool-aid once.

And the cast does not let us down. They say their lines, they play their parts as well as could be expected under the circumstances. The circumstances are this: The script is so loathsome that anybody who ever touched it is probably still trying to get rid of the rash.

Everybody dies. What matters is what you do between now and when it happens to you.

Everything possible to be believed is an image of the truth.

Good people can’t out-think evil, cause evil thinks of things good folks can’t think of.

I am your enemy, the first one you’ve ever had who was smarter than you. There is no teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will ever tell you what the enemy is going to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing to you. I am your enemy from now on. From now on, I am your teacher.

I did it, and it worked. Memorize that defense. You may have to use it yourself someday.

I don’t know. Is it a longing? Is it a giddy stupid happiness just because you’re with me? … That’s influenza … Watch for nausea or diarrhea within a few hours.

I wish more people would shave with Occam’s Razor.

I won’t lie now, either. My job isn’t to be friends. My job is to produce the best soldiers in the world. In the whole history of the world. We need a Napoleon. An Alexander. Except that Napoleon lost in the end, and Alexander flamed out and died young. We need a Julius Caesar, except that he made himself dictator, and died for it. My job is to produce such a creature, and all the men and women he’ll need to help him. Nowhere in that does it say that I have to make friends with children.

‘I’m not stupid!’ In Bean’s experience, that was a sentence never uttered except to prove its own inaccuracy.

Isn’t that the sweetest little well-balanced undergraduate-level philosophy of life.

It is the downfall of evil, that it never sees far enough ahead.

it’s impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.

It’s our job. We’re the wicked witch. We promise gingerbread, but we eat the little bastards alive.

Love is random; fear is inevitable.

Nobody controls his own life. The best you can do is choose to be controlled by good people, by people who love you.

Please don’t disillusion me. I haven’t had breakfast yet.

‘Shadow of the Hegemon’ is my first Tom Clancy novel.

Some movies are so spectacularly bad that it’s worth buying a ticket just so you can walk out.

Sometimes lies were more dependable than the truth.

The only similarity, in fact, is that O'Donnell himself has chosen to call both men by the same ugly names. And name-calling is not history. It’s propaganda. (Like this column and all other reviews.)

The same thing applies to the behavior of the robot bosses on the spaceship – Stanton carefully supplies programmed-in reasons for the autopilot to run amok, and then to be defeated. The plot still depends on ridiculously bad programming, but since Windows Vista exists in the real world, that clearly is not unbelievable.

The wise are not wise because they make no mistakes. They are wise because they correct their mistakes as soon as they recognize them.

Then I’ll tell the truth. We’re allowed to do that in emergencies. We can’t plan for everything, you know.

There has to be a special award, however, for any actor who has to say lines like, “Now your name will be ‘Destro’! And I – I am ‘The Commander’” – I’m not talking about an Oscar, I’m talking about the acting equivalent of a Purple Heart.

Where can you go from there? Into Ace Ventura II Land – otherwise known as “down the toilet.”

Whenever I hear you saying, Rise and shine, rise and shine, it makes me think how lucky dead people are!

You’re only so sure you’re right because they’re so sure you’re wrong.

Your trust in rationality makes you irrational.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

RELAX. HAVE SOME DIP.

So, you have this invisible man who lives in the clouds. He has a list of ten things you can’t do, and if you do do them, he will fry you. Yet, he loves you?

They keep talking about drafting a constitution for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of real smart guys, it’s worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating… you finish off as an orgasm.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

How come on the condom dispensers it has a little picture of birds flying over a pretty moutain. They use sex to sell everything else… why don’t they use sex to sell condoms???

Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.

I still think if they’re going to name it after someone, Joey Ramone is a more appropriate choice. For one thing, he did more for Washington than Reagan ever did, and for another, he’s aleady dead.

People writing about the “powerful Web presence” of the Tribune must never have actually tried to navigate its site. They may have a “commitment” to online journalism; they need to figure out how to make the experience different from walking to Canada through knee-high split-pea soup.

That’s why the religious people are so freaked out about the Internet, not because of the smut but because NO religion can stand up to access to information.

Grab your lube and make sure nobody sees you coming in here, because there’s only one reason for visiting the pay side - wanking!

It is easy to be tolerant and openhearted in the good times. Our commitment to the ideals of the Constitution is tested in the tough times. Freedom is freedom for all; that is why our nation is worth protecting. It’s not the purple mountain majesties; it’s the sanctuary promised at the entrance to New York Harbor. You are home now. Welcome.

Power belongs to the titled few. Anyone can be strong.

I always thought the sword was obviously mightier than the pen. Then someone stuck a pen in some guy’s neck at a nightclub I was at.

Okay, you guys could probably beat me up and take my money, but the first one of you who comes at me never walks again. Any of you want to volunteer a weapon? I can hurt you first if you want…

America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense, it is the other way around. Human rights invented America.

It takes a special brand of idiot to bully a guy with a megaphone.

Iraq is a land where you can do very few things for the first time, particularly as an occupying force.

The trouble with radicals is that they read only radical literature and the trouble with conservatives is that they don’t read anything.

As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life – so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.

You know, back in 2000 a Republican friend warned me that if I voted for Al Gore and he won, the stock market would tank, we’d lose millions of jobs and our military would be totally overstretched. You know what: I did vote for Al Gore, he did win, and I’ll be damned if all those things didn’t come true.

Excess is bad in every way.

You just keep doing it and doing it and doing it.

I agree.. lets get back to the important business of nanog, such as - bashing UUnet.

We, who are as good as you, swear to you, who are no better than us, to accept you as our king and sovereign lord, provided you observe all our liberties and laws–but if not, not.

Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you can find a rock.

The good news is that opportunity abounds for anybody and everybody with half a brain. A complete brain is not even required for success anymore. Only a half-baked plan and the determination to see the plan through.

Every general staff in the world since 1914 has known that the bravery of individual soldiers in modern war is about as essential as whether they are handsome.

If anything has the word ‘science’ in its name, it’s not science. Political Science, Social Science, Computer Science, …

In essence, each ‘pure science’ Shuttle science mission consists of several dozen automated experiments alongside an enormous, irrelevant, repeated experiment in keeping a group of primates alive and healthy outside the atmosphere.

In the 1980’s, the bad guys were a globe-spanning empire with a thermonuclear arsenal, undisputed chess superiority, great graphic design and a rather catchy worldview. Twenty years on, the global enemy had become a loose coalition of fundamentalist beardos whose most potent secret weapon was the airborne beverage. Cobra at its least competent was a better global adversary than al-Qaeda. In the meantime, the Concorde had been grounded, the nuclear icebreaker Lenin was sitting in dry dock, and even the retro Space Shuttle was about to be replaced with a scaled-up version of its predecessor. The future was here, and it kind of sucked.

The Programmers’ Credo: We do these things not because they are easy, but because we thought they were going to be easy.

When it comes to the future, we were robbed. Raised in anticipation of the new millennium, we let the grown-ups fill our ears with sweet promises even as they failed to do any of the basic or applied science needed to make them a reality. The year 2000 was supposed to bring us flying cars, flying robots, moon cities, undersea bases, bionic medicine, artificial brains, orbiting lasers, monoliths, domes, hypersonic airliners, cyborg bodies and giant space stations. Instead, when the big odometer finally rolled over, we were told to accept as the acme of Western technological achievement the autonomous vacuum cleaner and animated smiley. The crushing sense of disappointment found its purest expression in the Millennium Dome, a combination of insane cost, masterful engineering and total pointlessness of the kind one usually associates with things in low earth orbit.

Apparently, Mr. Gandhi has renounced his philosophy of non-violence for a philosophy of whoop-ass.

It is of men, and them only, that one should always be frightened.

The poetry of heroism appeals irresistibly to those who don’t go to a war, and even more to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy.

Yes, I am the last man to have walked on the moon, and that’s a very dubious and disappointing honor. It’s been far too long.

That said, I could lose 300 engineers and still make my numbers.

Chess is as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you can find outside an advertising agency.

Entropy requires no maintenance.

Ever since I got the Titanium Powerbook I have total strangers coming up and talking to me. I feel like I finally know what it’s like to be a hot chick.

I am going to be rich and famous the day I invent a device that can stab people over the internet.

You know, just a few years ago ‘Polly’ was a parrot, not a lifestyle.

you wound me, hoser

Chaos can be expanded to room size or larger.

It’s one thing to send me Gore propoganda, it’s quite another to do it in an unsupported character set.

…dice aren’t to tell a Storyteller what happens, dice are for SOUND EFFECTS

I have seen ten years of young men who rush out into the world with their messages, and when they find how deaf the world is, they think they must save their strength and wait. They believe that after a while they will be able to get up on some little eminence from which they can make themselves heard. ‘In a few years,’ reasons one of them, ‘I shall have gained a standing, and then I will use my powers for good.’ Next year comes and with it a strange discovery. The man has lost his horizon of thought. His ambition has evaporated; he has nothing to say. I give you this one rule of conduct. Do what you will, but speak out always. Be shunned, be hated, be ridiculed, be scared, be in doubt, but don’t be gagged. The time of trial is always. Now is the appointed time.

If you wish to be useful, never take a course that will silence you. Refuse to learn anything that implies collusion, whether it be a clerkship or a curacy, a legal fee or a post in a university. Retain the power of speech no matter what other power you may lose. If you can take this course, and in so far as you take it, you will bless this country. In so far as you depart from this course you become dampers, mutes, and hooded executioners.

Try to raise a voice that will be heard from here to Albany and watch what comes forward to shut off the sound. It is not a German sergeant, nor a Russian officer of the precinct. It is a note from a friend of your father’s offering you a place in his office. This is your warning from the secret police.

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them.

Any sufficiently complicated NSTextView-using program contains an ad hoc, informally-specified, bug-ridden, slow implementation of half of TextMate|BBEdit|xemacs.

Any idiot can face a crisis - it’s the day to day living that wears you out.

There is no need for you to refer us to your lame home page.

A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.

Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.

By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular it cannot be a masterpiece.

Christianity has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found difficult and left untried.

He may be mad, but there’s method in his madness. There nearly always is method in madness. It’s what drives men mad, being methodical.

I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.

I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.

Man seems to be capable of great virtues but not of small virtues; capable of defying his torturer but not of keeping his temper.

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.

My country, right or wrong,“ is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober.”

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.

There are no wise few. Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob.

There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read.

Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who merely happen to be walking about.

Monothestic Gods are soft and lazy.

a lot of your thoughts seem influenced by this thing called crack.

I am Dyslexic, of Brog. Fesistence is rutile. You will be assissitated.

In an information economy, the most valuable company assets drive themselves home every night. If they are not treated well, they do not return the next morning.

People always wonder why geek colleges like CalTech, MIT and CMU, populated as they are by the low-status gimps who couldn’t get invited to even the lamest parties in high school, have such serious drinking problems. But think about it. Geeks have egos too, and the easiest way to rise out of geekdom is to drink heavily. It’s status in a bottle.

What?! Use PAPER, and an unindexed, non-online MICROFICHE like some goddamn SAVAGE? My parents strugged to come this country so I can be free of the dreaded abacus and counting wheels. I REFUSE to dishoner their sacrifice. How would they feel if they know that I was reading an actual physical paper? Shame, that’s what. Shame on the family honor. Shame on me. Shame on our efforts to rise above our primative past.

I’m often asked why I left politics and went to Halliburton, and I explain that I reached the point where I was mean-spirited, short-tempered and intolerant of those who disagreed with me and they said, ‘Hell, you’d make a great C.E.O.,’ so I went to Texas and joined the private sector.

I’ve talked to quite a few older men–most of them don’t understand women any better than we do. … Sure–they might have more experience with the mechanics of certain things than we do, but all they really know about women are the same two things that I learned the first time I slow-danced with a girl freshman year of high school. … That they’re soft, and they smell nice.

I’m done doing what I swore an oath to God 28 years ago to never do again. I’ve created, “something that kills people.” And in that purpose I was a success. I’ve done this, because philosophically I’m sympathetic to your aim. I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest sword. If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut.

It’s Wednesday. By tomorrow got to get two papers done, study for two tests, do my laundry. I have to get my car washed, pick up a friend for the airport, find something for her to do while I’m studying so she doesn’t get bored. I need to talk to my parents. I need to incorporate drinking in there somewhere…

Focus is saying no to good ideas. But sometimes focus isn’t possible.

My point is that if you choose to do business in a developing country, you’re swimming in shark infested waters, and if you’re swimming in shark infested waters, you better study how sharks eat.

I drink coffee because… I’m too laid back to take my daily quota of stress without it.

Love and Genius are two of the most over-used words in the language.

We each had a good hit. Then we refilled our glasses and walked out. At one time I used to refer to Sarah and me as Zelda and Scott, but that bothered her because she didn’t like the way Zelda had ended up. And I didn’t like what Scott had typed. So, we had abandoned our sense of humor there.

May you live in interesting times.

May your fondest wish be granted.

War is always the worst solution.

First and foremost, the stupid people need to shut up and let the more intelligent folks speak.

Unfortunately, perceptions of the Linux community are shaped by Web sites such as www.slashdot.org, where self-styled experts who have the collective IQ of an AOL CD post inflammatory propaganda.

I mean, cosmology is the hardest of all sciences; we sit on this tiny planet in the middle of this vast Universe, we can’t go anywhere and do any experiments - all we can do is pick up the light that happens to fall on us and deduce some things about the Universe.

The history of cosmology is the history of us being completely wrong.

Dean is an experienced customer relations team leader… and he’s now authorized to bathe you in the healing light of forgiveness.

every woman has one fat friend, but very rarely do they have 2.

Andy said, “So really, the decision that management had to make was: should we invest our money to make better products, that our best customers could use, that would improve our profit margins, or should we invest our money to make worse projects, that none of our customers could use, and that would ruin our profit margins. What should we do?” And I’m pretty quick, and so I said, “Well, Andy, since you’re in the situation, my advice is to bail out and become a professor.” But then I realized that the very same thing is happening to the Harvard and Stanford business schools. We have become very good and very expensive and we’re getting disrupted by crummy, low end, on-the-job learning experiences like you’re having today.

If that makes your lawyers or managers happy, well, good for them. You still have a lot to worry about.

Try grad school, it’s stipendous!

I saw Chris that afternoon and he invited me to come over to your party. We were also having a party at our house that same night and a friend of mine asked me to come to his party at Roselawn 10 the same night. Now, being the party animal that I am, I had intentions of going to all three parties and taking my fill. However, being the drunken chink bastard that I am, I passed out at 11:00.

The next time your gonna have a Hacker game, call me over! I can’t wait to try it out. I’ve developed new cheating tactics. You’ll never catch me.

It is incredibly hot up here today. It’s digustingly hot, the air is thick, sticky dirty fumes are eminating from strange places, and I’m afraid to move around too fast. I feel like I’m in someone’s asshole. Not that I would know.

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.

I was told it had been blown up by Oliver Cromwell. I understood definitely that he had blown up all sorts of things and was therefore a very great man.

In this crisis I think I may be pardoned if I do not address the House at any length today, and I hope that any of my friends and colleagues or former colleagues who are affected by the political reconstruction will make all allowances for any lack of ceremony with which it has been necessary to act. I say to the House as I said to ministers who have joined this government, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many months of struggle and suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I say it is to wage war by land, sea, and air. War with all our might and with all the strength God has given us, and to wage war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is victory. Victory at all costs - Victory in spite of all terrors - Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival.

in wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.

Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never.

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Poor people, poor people. They trust me, and I can give them nothing but disaster for quite a long time.

Success is never final.

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

When going through hell, keep going.

You must sleep sometime between lunch and dinner, and no halfway measures. Take off your clothes and get into bed. That’s what I always do. Don’t think you will be doing less work because you sleep during the day. That’s a foolish notion held by people who have no imaginations. You will be able to accomplish more. You get two days in one – well, at least one and a half.

All the physics you have learned so far is massless, frictionless, and pointless.

You have been ordered to guard the President’s life and to shoot anyone who attempts to get closer than 15 feet to him. While you are guarding him at a public occasion, a little, 6 year old girl runs at the President and gets too close. What is the first thing you feel after shooting her?

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

A room without books is like a body without a soul.

The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn’t want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.

Do quotes about the quotes file go into the quotes file?

When I get older, I want my kids to have the complete enterprise solution. I want them to have what I never had.

if people dislike our government so much, why do so many line up to become citizens?

The way it happens is that it happens and then you talk about it, rather than talking about it and then trying to make it happen.

I can really identify with video games. The more I play them, the more I find they mirror the aggression and sex which I yearn for in my own life.

I don’t know how it works in DC, but up here in Philly, people who quote the Cure aren’t allowed to have opinions.

When the final design seems too simple for the amount of work you’ve put in, then you know you’re done.

Good music is the key to good design. Go out and get yourself some CDs with that big fat advance check from The Man.

Despite popular belief, clip art ce n'est un faux pas, much like using trite French expressions to hide that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Bedrock does support a form of drag and drop. Development dragged on for about 2 years, and then was dropped.

We reject kings, presidents, and voting. We believe in rough consensus and running code

Note also that many of these would-be ethics professors are not qualified even for an adjunct position, so you may encounter them outside the classroom in online forums. Since these “trolls” or “war-bloggers” do not have the authority over you that the professor would, you’re free not to waste any time with them.

You are hearby being notified of my intent to sue MacinTouch for damages caused by snorking coffee up my nose while reading the April 1 edition of your web page.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.

The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.

There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.

When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

So, in the interests of balanced journalism, I managed to find a five-minute gap in the Marquess of Blandford’s diary when he actually had a driving licence, and asked him to have a go. […] One hour later, he was back beaming the smile of a man who had been taken a little closer to Godhood: “You’ve got to understand a 911’s little foibles. If you really understand these cars, you will know that this is just the best of them all.” He is sitting behind me now, tied to the chair with a bar of soap in his mouth. And I won’t let him go until he stops calling my Ferrari a Fiat and admits that the worst car in the world is not, as we had suspected, the Vauxhall Vectra.

I don’t have a fear of flying. I have a fear of not flying.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.

Graham Chapman, co-author of the Parrot Sketch, is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He’s kicked the bucket, off the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great head of light entertainment in the sky. And I guess that we’re all thinking how sad it is, that a man of such talents, of such capability and kindness, of such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he’d achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he’d had enough fun. Well, I feel that I should say nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries. And the reason I feel I should say this is he’d never forgive me if I didn’t – if I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him but mindless good taste. I could hear him whispering last night as I was writing this, “All right, Cleese, you must say ‘you were very proud of being the very first person ever to say 'shit’ on British television. If this service is really for me, just for starters, I want you to become the first person ever at a British memorial service to say, ‘fuck!’”

America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.

The aggressor is always peace-loving … he would prefer to take over our country unopposed.

I don’t think we should leave here with this vast sense of insecurity. We ought to leave here with a sense of confidence that this is a challenge that was entirely predictable. It’s part of the price of the success of the Internet.

You can’t parse [X]HTML with regex. Because HTML can’t be parsed by regex. Regex is not a tool that can be used to correctly parse HTML. As I have answered in HTML-and-regex questions here so many times before, the use of regex will not allow you to consume HTML. Regular expressions are a tool that is insufficiently sophisticated to understand the constructs employed by HTML. HTML is not a regular language and hence cannot be parsed by regular expressions. Regex queries are not equipped to break down HTML into its meaningful parts. so many times but it is not getting to me. Even enhanced irregular regular expressions as used by Perl are not up to the task of parsing HTML. You will never make me crack. HTML is a language of sufficient complexity that it cannot be parsed by regular expressions. Even Jon Skeet cannot parse HTML using regular expressions. Every time you attempt to parse HTML with regular expressions, the unholy child weeps the blood of virgins, and Russian hackers pwn your webapp. Parsing HTML with regex summons tainted souls into the realm of the living. HTML and regex go together like love, marriage, and ritual infanticide. The <center> cannot hold it is too late. The force of regex and HTML together in the same conceptual space will destroy your mind like so much watery putty. If you parse HTML with regex you are giving in to Them and their blasphemous ways which doom us all to inhuman toil for the One whose Name cannot be expressed in the Basic Multilingual Plane, he comes. HTML-plus-regexp will liquify the nerves of the sentient whilst you observe, your psyche withering in the onslaught of horror. Rege̿̔̉x-based HTML parsers are the cancer that is killing StackOverflow it is too late it is too late we cannot be saved the trangession of a chi͡ld ensures regex will consume all living tissue (except for HTML which it cannot, as previously prophesied) dear lord help us how can anyone survive this scourge using regex to parse HTML has doomed humanity to an eternity of dread torture and security holes using regex as a tool to process HTML establishes a breach between this world and the dread realm of c͒ͪo͛ͫrrupt entities (like SGML entities, but more corrupt) a mere glimpse of the world of reg​ex parsers for HTML will ins​tantly transport a programmer’s consciousness into a world of ceaseless screaming, he comes, the pestilent slithy regex-infection wil​l devour your HT​ML parser, application and existence for all time like Visual Basic only worse he comes he comes do not fi​ght he com̡e̶s, ̕h̵i​s un̨ho͞ly radiańcé destro҉ying all enli̍̈́̂̈́ghtenment, HTML tags lea͠ki̧n͘g fr̶ǫm ̡yo​͟ur eye͢s̸ ̛l̕ik͏e liq​uid pain, the song ofre̸gular exp​ression parsing will exti​nguish the voices of mor​tal man from the sp​here I can see it can you see ̲͚̖͔̙î̩́t̲͎̩̱͔́̋̀ it isbeautiful t​he final snuffing of the lie​s of Man ALL IS LOŚ͖̩͇̗̪̏̈́T ALL I​S LOST the pon̷y he comes he c̶̮omes he comes the ich​orpermeates all MY FACE MY FACE ᵒh god no NO NOO̼O​O NΘ stop the an*̶͑̾̾​̅ͫ͏̙̤g͇̫͛͆̾ͫ̑͆l͖͉̗̩̳̟̍ͫͥͨe̠̅s ͎a̧͈͖r̽̾̈́͒͑e n​otrè̑ͧ̌aͨl̘̝̙̃ͤ͂̾̆ ZA̡͊͠͝LGΌ ISͮ̂҉̯͈͕̹̘̱ TO͇̹̺ͅƝ̴ȳ̳ TH̘Ë͖́̉ ͠P̯͍̭O̚​N̐Y̡H̸̡̪̯ͨ͊̽̅̾̎Ȩ̶̧̨̬̩̱̹̭̯̾͛ͪ̈́̀́ͧ̾ͬ͘C̷̙̲̝͖ͭ̏ͥͮ͟Oͮ͏̮̪̝͍M̲̖͊̒ͪͩͬ̚̚͜Ȇ̴̟̟͙̞ͩ͌͝S̨̥̫͎̭ͯ̿̔̀ͅHave you tried using an XML parser instead?

When you’re a Democrat, you win when people think.

For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.

Sleep is for Pitt students.

Sleep is for MIT students. If they slept less, maybe X wouldn’t suck so hard.

what’s the difference between your girlfriend and Andrew? Andrew will always go down on you.

Additional information can be found by fingering women@andrew.

The solution implemented here works amazingly well in most circumstances, and, being essentially half-assed, is more in keeping with the spirit of Unix. Blech.

After nearly a year of speculation and media hype, inventor and entrepreneur Dean Kamen will unveil “Ginger” on ABC’s “Good Morning America” Monday, an invention that some say could change the world and others believe is a motor scooter.

If you torture the data long enough, Nature will confess.

These men who are coming for you are not playing. I know it looks like they’re sweethearts, but they do not come to dance.

A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.

They keep telling us that in war truth is the first casualty, which is nonsense since it implies that in times of peace truth stays out of the sick bay or the graveyard.

An architecture is a set of libraries which are so poorly encapsulated that if you want to use one of them you have to use all of them.

In the fable “The Boy Who Cried Wolf,” the obvious moral is that you shouldn’t cry wolf because then people won’t believe you. But there’s a moral for the villagers, too, although not explicitly stated: eventually, the wolf really is there.

In the Guy de Maupassant version of this tale, your partner would labor for years to replace the iPod, only to discover that it had not been stolen, merely fallen behind the couch, leaving us to marvel at Maupassant’s sense of irony and ability to foresee the digital music player.

Everybody knows that you can’t go west from California. There is no place wester. If we go from California to New York, we go Back East. If we go from California to Tokyo, we go to the Far East. We cannot go west. There is no way to do it.

We could start a bunch of foreign subsidiaries, and push all of our debt into them! That way our balance sheet would show nothing but profits! Profits here, debt there. Our debt would be taking a little vacation in the Caymans. In fact, I’m jealous of our debt, laying on the beach, getting a tan…

I was always envious of those Web logs that displayed their archive in a nifty calendar format where you can select a day and see the entries for that date. I then remembered that when you know Perl, envy is unwarranted.

Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.

The more you study, the more you find out you don’t know, but the more you study, the closer you come.

And if you can’t understand how unhinged you look when a guy whose trademark is ‘Hot Air and Ill-Informed Banter’ feels it necessary to tell you to calm down, all is lost.

Reading the blogs this afternoon, I had one recurring thought. I could use a drink.

… that is ten pounds of suck in a five pound bag.

… that violates the Balloon Juice credo of “If you can’t say anything nice put it on the front page of the blog” …

We talk about sex. Hefner has a sense of its history in America as another man might have a sense of his own hand.

Ok, Mr. Gassee, if you think you can just come in here and interrupt our aimless speculation with reasonable response, and try and make us think that Be is different just because its founder deigns to grace us with his presence, well then … ok. I’m impressed.

so, today, I am going to do what any normal women in my position would do. I’m going to go shopping.

Fear is like the microwavable version of respect. It doesn’t taste as good, but it’s much easier to make.

I prefer “I got chunks of guys more punk rock than you in my stool!” But I don’t judge a mundane by their clothes so much as by the fear in their eyes…

It would be damn hard to burn the library of Alexandria if it had mirror sites.

Try walking down the street chanting “Gun good! Penis Bad!” It’s fun.

So Cyclocross bikes are part of a well-defined sport, which calls for neither luggage nor clean pants.

Engineering is ultimately about doubt; if you knew what you were doing, it would be manufacturing.

Better than The Anarchist’s Cookbook? The babblings of a demented old man with alzheimer’s disease is better than the anarchist’s cookbook.

if you have a problem, all XML does is reformat your problem

True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.

Oh, you’re Eeyore! I know you, you’re a doof-head!

Many of the biggest, most exciting things in your life will happen because you made a bold and irrational decision.

Cousteau’s films about the lives of sea creatures were perhaps the only french films in history to not feature nudity and a complex sub-plot about socialism.

for nothing in this world can you trust….not man, not woman, not beast…. this you can trust.

It is no longer detox week. It is obviously *not* detox week. What street is this?

If language is not correct, then what is said is not what is meant; if what is said is not what is meant, then what must be done remains undone; if this remains undone, morals and art will deteriorate; if justice goes astray, the people will stand about in helpless confusion. Hence there must be no arbitrariness in what is said. This matters above everything.

Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors.

Heaven has no rage, like love to hatred turned, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned.

You wanna know how to nail Capone? This is how you nail Capone: he pulls a knife you pull a gun, he puts one of yours in the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT’S how you nail Capone.

Jesus Christ, I’ve had more new good ideas this week than … must be that new dog food.

Comprehension is a problem here. You want to begin your paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by two or three sentences that illustrate your point. Your final sentence should sum up and conclude what you said. Your above assault on English syntax should not be tolerated…

The true peace of God begins a thousand miles from the nearest land

I hate this business. If I didn’t hate getting up in the morning more, I’d chuck it all in and get a proper job tomorrow.

If you don’t attack the risks, the risks will attack you.

If you want me to do things only for ROI reasons, you should get out of this stock.

Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.

And tonight something equally epoch-making is taking place. See? They’re applauding the DJ. Not the music, not the musician, not the creator, but the medium. This is it. The birth of rave culture. The beatification of the beat. The dance age. This is the moment when even the white man starts dancing. Welcome to Manchester.

You can’t threaten me, Martin. You’re a big man, but you’re out of shape. Although you could sit on me.

I’m a minor player in my own life story.

I’m being postmodern, before it’s fashionable.

Most of all, I love Manchester. The crumbling warehouses, the railway arches, the cheap abundant drugs. That’s what did it in the end. Not the money, not the music, not even the guns. That is my heroic flaw: my excess of civic pride.

This scene didn’t actually make it to the final cut. I’m sure it’ll be on the DVD.

You can’t threaten me, Martin. You’re a big man, but you’re out of shape. Although you could sit on me.

IF public THEN !dick. It’s a simple rule.

don’t tell me it was a good hit. that wasn’t a good hit or i would be ON BASE.

there is a time in every young boy’s life when he realizes that he will never be able to have slo-mo undulating sex with kelly mcgillis while the air turns blue and “take my breath away” softly plays in the background.

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, “Press On,” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

No matter how cool your interface, it would be better if there were less of it.

This is NP-complete, which, if you don’t recognize that, it’s something we in computer science use to frighten small children.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

He has a woman’s name and wears makeup. How original.

SIGINT is SIGnal INTelliegence - listenin’ in on micro trans, etc. NSA kinda stuff. HUMINT is HUMan INTelligence - James Bond kinda stuff - CIA Bailiwick. SPEARMINT is gum - Wrigley’s kinda stuff.

To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and inconceivable.

The virgin kleenex tissue is difficult to coax, but once snared is quickly used and discarded. Thereafter, each tissue is always aroused and aflutter, eagerly awaiting the next juicy spillage.

Who said personal expression has to be emotional and agonizing? Just use a computer. It’s easy.

There is a special providence for drunkards, fools, and the United States of America.

With all due respect, knowing the North American media, I would be more worried if they spoke well of me.

I want to be remembered as one of those persons who is always quoted, unquote.

The reason why we will always repeat the past is because we do not read enough.

That which does not kill us makes us hungry.

I’ve never met a human being who would want to read 17,000 pages of documentation, and if there was, I’d kill him to get him out of the gene pool.

The world revolves around the sun, not your head.

We desperately need a buzzword compliant operating system that we can build on.

If the President protects you, Commander, he may have to do it with a bomb. Now I’ve known the man for fifteen years. The problem is: he will protect you. So I’m asking you: don’t make him protect you. Don’t get shot at.

If you’re in the market for hammers and silver-bullets, simplicity is a pretty good one.

The government’s logical calculus on flight security has long been: Really Annoying equals Safe Plane.

We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals…

Kids… fire up those crack pipes again!

TO: Hilary B. Rosen, President and CEO, Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA); FROM: David Coursey; RE: Stop whining and grow up

We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey.

And help me to remember….. When I’m having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

…much of Usenet is essentially “My tribal deity can beat your tribal deity”!

I have no intention of scaring people. That’s the administration’s job.

Everyone’s favourite Swiss Army Chainsaw is coming up to thirteen years old now, and would be about to show the world a brand new face for the new millennium if that didn’t start next year instead of this one.

Think all crack is created equal? What are you smoking?

I’m not saying that you should sell something that isn’t the truth, just that the inherent wisdom of your words may not be apperent to everyone. You can argue that it should be, but that will get you very nowhere, because these people come from a different planet then you do.

MySQL: The DBMS Designed To Make Your PHP Programmers Feel At Home.

The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.

Indifference is a militant thing…. When it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children’s pastime like mere highway robbery.

Memory is like an orgasm. It’s a lot better if you don’t have to fake it.

Parity is for farmers.

I’d hate to think we’re seriously hampering the productivity of America. But, on the other hand, what the heck!

Of course power tools and alcohol don’t mix. Everyone knows power tools aren’t soluble in alcohol.

You’ll note I didn’t post the link until my order was confirmed. I’m all about sharing the love, but not at the risk of having the love backordered.

The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments.

Please Note. As of the ending date of this statement, this account is now closed. … Getting Cash From Our ATMs Will Become More Convenient For You

Great books aren’t written - they’re rewritten.

Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told–and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare. Other animals fight for territory or food; but, uniquely in the animal kingdom, human beings fight for their ‘beliefs.’ The reason is that beliefs guide behavior, which has evolutionary importance among human beings. But at a time when our behavior may well lead us to extinction, I see no reason to assume we have any awareness at all. We are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion.

Everyone, please note that you are supposed to consult Ted for a fair assessment of everything on art. He obviously knows more than anyone else about the aesthetic value of everything.

If the automobile had followed the same development cyclee as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

With no debt and $10 billion in cash, Microsoft can buy or build any sort of future it wants. All the rest of us can do is lie back and think of England.

Within 60 days you will receive a letter from Redmond containing a list of names and addresses, along with instructions to write 10 lines of C code and send them to the address at the top of the list. Add your name to the bottom and mail copies to 84 of your friends. In a few weeks you will receive 12.5 million lines of NT source code, ready for compiling and linking.

You’ll notice, for example, that I didn’t include Sun in my list of vital companies. That’s not so much because Sun can be defined in terms of the others but that Sun is simply doomed. Their software isn’t better, their hardware isn’t better, and they can’t see themselves as anything but a maker of hardware or software, so my simple recommendation is that they take the rest of their cash and try entering a hot new field like – say – space flight. Or making really fine cakes. The world will always need fine baked goods.

Y45K: Greeks, Serbs, Russians, and other Eastern Orthodox have spent the past 41,000 years laughing at westerners’ increasingly futile efforts to keep the Gregorian calendar in order. The day of reckoning has come; the Orthodox calendar is now one day slow. The Patriarch of Istanbul (nee Constaninople) has not made any statement about how this will be fixed.

He who stops being better stops being good.

cropped it a bit to get rid of some unneccessary venetian blindness, ran it through the ‘neon glow’ photoshop filter, applied a radial blur originating at your eyes, then used a spot-sharpening tool to re-sharpen just your eyes so that they would be the scary focus of the shot… er, i mean, NINJA TECHNO ARTIST FOO! I’LL NEVER TELL MY SECRET!!!!#$!%!!

faisal, you’re sounding incredibly like vijay. stop it.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

pardon me for being crass but: who cares.

Jabba the Hut has stolen the world’s precious supply of Yoo-Hoo chocolaty beverage!

ILEN… your tickets are on the kitchen table, in case the bright white envelope with HUGE honking black lettering that says iLEN somehow eluded you.

SWF ISO stable, employed kermit binary for solaris 7. if you’ve got the interface, i’ve got the router, if you catch my drift.

In my experience, the most crucial part of winning is refusing to give up 1,000 times.

Speak softly, move clandestinely, and carry a big carrot.

Unprofessional? Us? Sir. Might I with due respect remind you that Mister Vandemar and myself burned down the City of Troy? We brought the Black Plague to Flanders. We have assassinated a dozen kings, five popes, half a hundred heroes and two accredited gods. Our last commission before this was the torturing to death of an entire monastery in sixteenth century Tuscany. We are *utterly* professional.

My point? My point is that we are assassins. We are cutthroats. We kill.

Being more or less bankrupt, the best thing that we can do is to attack the problem afresh without preconceived ideas. Let us begin by doubting every statement.

Destiny is an absolutely definite and inexorable ruler. Physical ability and moral determination count for nothing. It is impossible to perform the simplest act when the gods say “no.” I have no idea how they bring pressure to bear on such occasions; I only know that it is irresistible.

…every man is a condemned criminal, only he does not know the date of his execution.

Existence, as we know it, is full of sorrow.

I have never grown out of the infantile belief that the universe was made for me to suck.

It sometimes strikes me that the whole of science is a piece of impudence; that nature can afford to ignore our impertinent interference. If our monkey mischief should ever reach the point of blowing up the earth by decomposing an atom, and even annihilated the sun himself, I cannot really suppose that the universe would turn a hair.

Love stories are only fit for the solace of people in the insanity of puberty. No healthy adult human being can really care whether so-and-so does or does not succeed in satisfying his physiological uneasiness by the aid of some particular person or not.

Practically all religions and all philosophies have started thus crudely, by promising their adherents some such reward as immortality. No religion has failed hitherto by not promising enough

The people who have really made history are the martyrs.

The supreme satisfaction is to be able to despise one’s neighbour and this fact goes far to account for religious intolerance. It is evidently consoling to reflect that the people next door are headed for hell.

Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He’s going to be up all night anyway.

Back then… those were the naive youthful days of Street Fighter II…. As opposed to the brutal harsh reality of Mortal Kombat II.

Ringfinger? What is this? When are they going to play some Nine Inch Nails?

No relation. Although we both need to get laid.

Wow… I can’t type any more… Mr. Happy can type for me. It’s sort of a variation on that ‘hunt and peck’ thing.

I’m not only fat but I’m drunk and I like to go to the movies.

When something dies its component parts return to the grander mechanism, its former activities reduced to a resonation incalculable even to its originator. This may have been my first gift to the net, but it shall not be my last.

warning: junk pointer, too high to make sense

The happiest people spend much time in a state of flow - the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, are usually commentators telling as many people as will read, watch or listen why they think someone else who is actually trying to accomplish something, can’t.

CMU was a *hard* place. Human life was cheap. Respect for God and clean language was non-existant. Murder and death were the code of existence. Exceptionally foul language occurred nearly every three to four minutes.

Science and engineering research are inherently depressing. You spend all your time working on a problem confused. If you cease being confused, it means that you’ve solved the problem and move on the next one. Thus, 99% of your time is spent in a state of confusion.

Sendmail is my life. Sendmail sucks. Therefore, my life sucks.

It’s too much of a hassle to have fun.

Kids are dumb….but they’re also smart.

There’s just too much going on in the world. No really, I mean it! I’m serious!

Why is everything I say so dumb?

Warning: Not a religion, do not worship.

To be nobody-but-myself – in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.

This explains a lot about me. I thought it was the heavy drinking, the late hours, the barking mad women, the lying around in bed reading novels and eating Nescafe out of a jar with the spoon. But it’s because of the Mac.

Actually I’m sure MacZephyr 1.1 will win because it, unlike all of our other programs, was written by a programmer who valued writing good bug free code.

If I phrased the challenge that way I’d have to do the hard work instead of you. That would not be too smart of me, would it?

In fact most problems in this universe and in many contiguous universes are I/S’s fault.

You can’t write good code without it being readable. (Eddie Kohler can, but you can’t).

I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.

If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you flick our ears, do we not go ‘Ow! Ow! My ears!?’

The TSA’s security theater is now officially a substandard off-Broadway production.

This thing severely violated the Rule of Complexity. The Rule of Complexity states that if an answer seems too complicated to be the right answer, it is the wrong answer.

A writing assignment for the swimsuit issue is a dream come true for the Sports Illustrated staffer. He grabs an exotic dateline and the guarantee that no one will read anything he comes up with.

The future? I’ve seen the future. Believe me, it came straight at us. There’s no future in the future.

Style over substance.