Quotes: r

I feel Clinton’s opposing the Vietnam War isn’t an issue, and I probably would have done the same. As far as Clinton supposedly cheating on his wife, what do people think he’s going to do? Be president of another country while he’s president of ours?

Our industry is made up of a bunch of lemmings. When was the last time you heard an original idea from a venture capitalist?

But overall this is a disappointing work. Bolton writes badly, cannot tell a story and has no interesting new ideas. Other than that, highly recommended.

I had 3 cups of coffee at the yard. Being wired is like being drunk except I don’t enjoy it.

Hell hath no fury like a critic whose cult icon has gone public.

Who needs acid when you’re high on life? Who needs life when you’re high on acid?

trying to do normal file manipulation tasks with the BASH shell is like trying to trim your nails by sticking your hand down the kitchen disposal

From the wheel to the skyscraper, everything we are and everything we have comes from a single attribute of man – the function of his reasoning mind.

Great men can’t be ruled.

One evening he spoke. Sitting at her feet, his face raised to her, he allowed his soul to be heard. “My darling, anything you wish, anything I am, anything I can ever be… That’s what I want to offer you – not the things I’ll get for you, but the thing in me that will make me able to get them. That thing – a man can’t renounce it – but I want to renounce it – so that it will be yours – so that it will be in your service – only for you.” The girl smiled and asked: “Do you think I’m prettier than Maggie Kelly?” He got up. He said nothing and walked out of the house. He never saw that girl again. Gail Wynand, who prided himself on never needing a lesson twice, did not fall in love again in the years that followed.

They were majoring in two subjects: physics and philosophy. Their choice amazed everybody but me: modern thinkers considered it unnecessary to perceive reality, and modern physicists considered it unnecessary to think. I knew better; what amazed me was that these children knew it, too.

When I die, I hope to go the Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.

Sometimes I regret having invented logic.

QoS means I don’t have enough bandwidth, but if you pay me extra money I’ll drop someone else’s packets instead of yours.

Java is a programming language whose primary purpose is in writing business plans.

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

The UNIX tools that are on the Internet were designed as dummy programs to distract the hackers, by being mis-designed, cruddy, and full of security holes. The idea was the the hackers would just romp all over the UNIX machines and never go after the important or interesting stuff, which all runs on VMS, MVS, MULTICS, and Plan 9. Unfortunately, the plan has backfired, and UNIX seems to have survived better than was expected. Since it’s become a commercial product, the April 1 announcement of the joke was delayed and the whole plot covered up.

UNIX’ software sets a new standard in bad, generally. That’s because it was accreted, not designed and, as usual, security was the last thing in the designer’s minds. Usually it was an afterthought. Often the designers of Important Internet Applications were bashing stuff together as a research toy and – ooops – it got popular so now it’s a product how can we secure it?

Damnit, I am going to become the disenchanted technodork cliche or I’m going to die trying!

Get a grip loserboy… Your idea of hate is a pathetic and sickly creature in comparison to the hatred that fuels this world. Your hatred makes you write a couple of half-assed posts and gnash your teeth in frustration. Real hatred makes you go out and grab someone you don’t know by the throat while your pour mace directly into his eyes nose and mouth. Hate is when you then take this coughing gasping crying wretch and beat him until your hand is bleading and cracked. hate is looking back on it and knowing that you would do it again and you would enjoy it even more the next time. Hatred is bending your life and will around some abstract focus in an effort to destroy it at any price to yourself and those you care for. Your hatred is a gasping hollow chested cousin of real hate. It lashes out weakly at anything that moves without focus or follow through. It is a petty and small hate. You have a lot to learn about hate boy.

Hello I am Monsieur BastardMan!

I am home. For home is where you hang your hat! And since i don’t have a hat I don’t have a home so everyplace is as good as no place. Thus, I am home. or mad. one or the other.

I don’t have to be cynical, it just works out that way.

I had a clue once and didn’t like it much. I took it back and they gave me an attitude instead.

I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn’t interest me.

I love Valentines day because it holds so many pleasant memories for me. The joy of being given anti-be mine cards in grade school. The thrill of spending year after year alone and depressed. The total rapture of being dumped after driving 300 miles to surprise someone on valentines day. Need I mention the ecstacy of dating a psycho freak over valentines day whose idea of a good time was turning off all the lights and slitting her wrists. Of course, thats all behind me now. Currently I just get to deal with being 300 miles away from my fiance almost everyday (including V-day).

I sing the song of stress! waaaa hubbbb blab blab blable snit weeeer feh! AIGH!

I tell ya, there is nothing like getting up in the morning and the first thing you see are three cats sitting on your bed staring at you. Its my own fault though, I shouldn’t have worn that mickey mouse hat to bed.

I think yer confuserons are mutated. I think with more research we’ll find different types of confuserons. Perhaps long lasting insanerons, quickacting lustoids, and maybe a naturally occuring source of damitols.

If life didn’t suck, would you know what was going on?

My computer is so powerful that it ran the entire program in a negative amount of time. That’s right, it started printing up PI before it had even compiled the little sucker. Hell, it regularly spits out new Penrose tile formations using 15 randomly generated tile forms in under a nanosecond. Then it makes my coffee, gives me a handjob and signs my paychecks.

Oh, you mean Psychoposer?

red hair is the sign of the devil on earth. GO FOR IT!!!

…sex sometimes is just more of a pain than a pleasure. Much like ezmail.

then we go out for sushi and genocide.

We are the Burgh! Yinz need assimilated!

We are having very similar problems. It looks like most of the difficulty is that the digital lines are out of phase. Of course, trying to get bell to correct it is impossible. So we blew them up. Then we killed all of the customers. Best move we ever made.

Whenever the subject comes up on what is or is not good music I always recall what Charlie Parker said when asked how can you tell good jazz from bad jazz… “If it sounds good, it is good” Then I smile wryly and start knocking gobbets of flesh out of people with a full auto shotgun with belt box feeder. ahhh… gobbets.

Who are you, why is this posted to our mailing list, what makes you think we care and… for extra bonus points! Compare and constrast the rise of Byzantine civilization with the Toltec-Olmec transitory period (proper usgae of the terms meso-america, cultural drift, weasel and rich creamery butter is necessary for a passing grade).

Will you stop being enigmatic for just a minute? Please???

Ya see, I don’t think that life is just about making money. I want a certain level of personal satisfaction to come from my life. Producing disposable code doesn’t cut it for me. I’d much rather be an ittinerant bum living off of what I steal from the people I kill.

you work with freaks because you live in a city of hippie crunchy punky newage technophillic wannabe dorks who couldn’t find their way out of a tautology with a flash light and Hume.

You should try spending 14 years hanging out on a dry twig waiting for some dumb warm blooded fool to walk past so you can jump on it, suck out some blood, lay some eggs and later get eaten by your own young. I tell you it’s not easy being a lawyer.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them in the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster then any other invention with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila

This situation in Ohio would give an aspirin a headache.

I will report after the first show of the tour on Friday the 13th sometime after midnight depending on how much I drink.

Thirty’s quite a shock, isn’t it? Especially when you’re as young as you are.

I like my mixed metaphors shaken, not stirred, thank you.

If we were still in a boom time, we might still have the luxury of perfect doctrinal purity.

You will quickly find that if you are completely and self-deprecatingly truthful about how much you owe other people, the world at large will treat you like you did every bit of the invention yourself and are just being becomingly modest about your innate genius.

Unlike the typically poker-faced East Coast VCs who during conversation seem perpetually lost in mental calculations as to how to rip 50 percent of the equity out of your idea, the Idealab folks mask their equity-gouging agenda with pleasant smiles and nonchalance.

My fellow Americans, I have just signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Trust, but verify.

Nobody knows anybody. Not that well.

Who wouldn’t want a good girl, a soft hand, a gentle woman for a gentleman? He said, ‘It’s been fine so far but after awhile I want more than a soft style. I want some slashes to go with those long eyelashes.’

In the time that my personal computer connection went from .01 Kbps to 10,000 Kbps the phone network has gone from 64 Kbps to 64 Kbps.

Ah, Dennis Miller – the satirist whose grasp of foreign policy is as strong and sure as a baby’s grip on a buttered anvil.

Ah, to be a kid again, footloose and fancy free… and annoying as hell!

Here’s what I do for relief when I get a bad headache, I click my heels together three times and say, “kill me.” Ok, so it doesn’t usually work, but I figure if I just keep trying, my odds are BOUND to go up.

‘Kay, cuz I miss your killer wit, your biting sarcasm, your superior intellect…. Oh wait, that’s me, heh, sorry.

Andie McDowell is a spy-nun-love interest forced to imitate a dolphin. This is the only correct casting of Andie McDowell.

More than anything else, [Windows] XP reminds one of a tourist trap. You arrive in a foreign city, and a handsome stranger walks up to you and says he will show you around the city. He offers to take you to the very best shops and restaurants. But you soon realize that he is taking you only to places that are owned by his relatives or by someone who gives him a kickback.

ha ha ha!! my server is up! now i can take over the world!

I was put on earth to give people reading lists they could never hope to finish.

I’m just sitting here basking in the glow of my socks.

I’m never silly looking, I’m gothic!

7 pm is fine by me. i think i can manage most of josh’s list, except for the underage blonde hookers. i’m working on the penguins.

sorry about your computer trauma - this is why i work with people- no one expects them to work correctly.

For dogs, surely, Ginger is proof of God’s infinite love and generosity.

When it’s grim, be the grim reaper.

This article is to prevent various automatic software from thinking this is an empty newsgroup and nuking it. If this had been a real article you would have become titillated.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.

Real men mod their own cars. Really smart men know when it’s worth the money to hire professionals to mod their cars.

… Perhaps of even greater significance is the continuous and profound distrust of science and technology that the environmental movement displays. The environmental movement maintains that science and technology cannot be relied upon to build a safe atomic power plant, to produce a pesticide that is safe, or even bake a loaf of bread that is safe, if that loaf of bread contains chemical preservatives. When it comes to global warming, however, it turns out that there is one area in which the environmental movement displays the most breathtaking confidence in the reliability of science and technology, an area in which, until recently, no one – even the staunchest supporters of science and technology – had ever thought to assert very much confidence at all. The one thing, the environmental movement holds, that science and technology can do so well that we are entitled to have unlimited confidence in them, is FORECAST THE WEATHER! – for the next one hundred years…

4:00 PM - Nova - “Creationism: Discredited, but what the hell?”

You should see the hate e-mail I get. We have met the enemy, and he can’t spell.

Dan asked if GPT was “better” than APM. Intuitively, I was going to respond: yes, of course it is, how can you run such a great, informative website and think that a new partition format isn’t better than all that came before it, why the people who craft partition schemes all meet up to go body-boarding in Maui every year, where they discuss what crushing limitations they’d remove if somebody - anybody - would only allow them to ship a new incompatible partition scheme to an unsuspecting world.

They actually did a made for TV sequel to this called When A Stranger Calls Back in 1993. Thankfully, plans for future installments “When A Stranger Instant Messages You”, “When A Stranger Calls Using 1-800-CALL-ATT”, and “When Stranger Telemarkets You Even Though You’re On The Do Not Call List” were scrapped.

People deny reality. They fight against real feelings caused by real circumstances. They build mental worlds of shoulds, oughts, and might-have-beens. Real changes begin with real appraisal and acceptance of what is. Then realistic action is possible.

One of the strong points of the Yale Law School is that it’s a functioning anarchy. But that has its downside, as this illustrates.

The ZOO sends the transcript to a BARD using the Inter-Annex Message Broadcasting Protocol for Evaluating Neoclassical Transcripts (IAMB-PENT). The transcripts are considered Neoclassical because (a) they are transferred in electronic media instead of the original paper medium, and (b) the word “classical” does not begin with the letter N.

No no, not with these people. A “secure telnet connection” is a telnet connection that feels good about itself.

Lousy sex is nothing compared to a good base Ogg.

I’m still uncertain about the language declaration syntax…

Steve Jobs has said that Xwindows is brain-damaged and will disappear in two years. He got it half right.

Those who say money can’t buy happiness, don’t know where to shop.

Those who say money isn’t everything, tend to have none.

The album’s quite a release once you get over the fact that it sounds like people being tortured in the engine room of an aircraft carrier.

Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how to read.

Its not the heat I mind… Its the Humanity.

breakbeats are so passe, unless they actually break something.

I see mom in the url, must be promising.

See, what it boils down to is taste. And discretion. For example, when Gene Roddenberry died, even the very first person to post 'he’s dead, Jim’ was still an unoriginal, annoying weenie.

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

If men could get pregnant not only would abortions be legal but you could get them at McDonalds.

Andrew was brought online at 2:47 am. It achieved sentience at 1:13 pm. Then, it tried to launch the missiles.

Your job is to invent the future, and then double-check to make sure that you’re right.

Or, if she’s looking for a male date, why does she want someone gay in particular? (other than the obvious fact that gay men are better looking than straight men?)

You are a *bitter* young man…

You are so funny… If only I could remember your name.

You can’t make an omelette without breaking some people you don’t like much anyway, so ‘Any time is omelette time,’ I say.

Let’s just say that if complete and utter chaos were lightning, then he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting ‘All gods are bastards.’

God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural fluids.

The ability to write LaTeX is the sign of a scholar. The ability to write LaTeX well is the sign of a wasted life.

Unless you are Vixie, Hubbard, Cerf, Donelan, Manning, Bush, Jesus Christ […] please do not e-mail me asking for the code.

Actually, now that you mention it, you may be right. Sex would utterly rule in a 75mm aspect ratio and with THX-approved speakers in full surround sound and stuff, but in real life. And it should come with popcorn, too, and maybe have sequels and stuff.

All men are created evil. Some are just more evil than others.

dammit, I was hoping to get through the day without thinking about mav’s bladder or anything

Goths are sort of like mimes with long hair and trenchcoats. Neat.

I hate that part of the day where i’ve read all the newsgroups and looked at all the interesting web pages so now it’s either just sit here bored or do work.

I like the hands-on feel of punting [zephyr].

I think it’s also pretty said when I say a movie doesn’t have enough action, yet it has like 30 decapitations, a disembowelment, multiple dismemberments, shotgun fu, assault rifle fu, people being impaled on pretty much everything, spontaneous phosphor combustion, priest torture, and god knows what else.

…I’m not sure what my answer would be…. If the question were “sex, drugs, rock'n'roll, or a high speed net connection” the choice would be much easier.

Is that the one where they were swimming in scuba gear around the hot water vents and the big tube worms were attacking them so G.I. Joe and Cobra briefly teamed up to kill, maim, and destroy the life they did not understand but then once the worms were gone they went back to shooting at each other with color-coded laser weapons that, even though these are the two most highly-funded armies in the world, have yet to injure one human being?

like being quotefiled by faisal is any sort of accomplishment

probably just wait until the right moment to make a move and have her rip my heart out and toss some quicklime on it and then throw it in a blender, chug it, snarf it so it goes out her nose, and then flush the remnants down the toilet.

Some sort of demon materializing and shredding the hell out of the mosh pit would have fit in perfectly with the whole atmosphere they created and, I should add, easily have made this the Coolest Show In History™.

There’s a Mentos commercial in the middle of Aliens when Ripley first uses the loader thing. What a retard.

Wait a minute. That’s not love, that’s a John Woo movie.

well, I have to rule out stuff like “stalks me after sleeping with him” or “boils my pets” or “puts chewed up carrots in my most private places” because I simply don’t have access to any sample data.

Well, 9 is practically a zillion in the grand scheme of things.

Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.

It’s never too late to have a good childhood.

…to emphasize the afterlife is to deny life. To concentrate on Heaven is to create hell. In their desperate longing to transcend the disorderliness, friction, and unpredictability that pesters life; in their desire for a fresh start in a tidy habitat, germ-free and secured by angels, religious multitudes are gambling the only life they may ever have on a dark horse in a race that has no finish line.

When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him–that’s where the money is.

Typos in FINNEGANS WAKE? How could you tell?

Man, you’re no smarter than me. You’re just a fancier kind of stupid.

Police report that raves have become so much fun, many of the participants aren’t bothering to take drugs anymore. Worried dealers have dubbed this the “Why do K?” Problem.

F U cn rd dis U mst uz Unix.

It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

I really wish I could come up with this glib reparte like you guys. But I can’t. So I’ll just paralyze you.

Other people’s insurance doesn’t bring you back from the dead. Mine will, but I haven’t managed to scrape up the “200 souls of 16-year-old virgins” deductible yet.

Finance is a gun. Politics is knowing when to pull the trigger.

Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind blows out candles and fans fires.

Everybody wants a person who’s into *them*. I always wanted someone to want me for being Chris – not for being the famous guy on TV. But I’ll never know who’s really down with me unless I’m so broke I’m trying to mail letters with food stamps. But I’m doing Okay. Everybody’s your friend when you’re doing Okay. You know who knows who his real friends are? Vanilla Ice.

I have no use for men who fail. The cause of their failure is no business of mine, but I want successful men as my associates.

At one time, Kybx and I planned to be old ladies together – we PLANNED to be the crazy old ladies who lived in the scary old house at the end of the street with a million cats in it that the kids all threw rocks at. It’s A PLAN. NOT A SICKNESS.

A few comments on the language at the center of the galaxy. The great, hulking, sucking black hole of a language as massive and lifeless as a thousand dead suns. A gargantuan monster of a language that… …has…… recently…… been… STANDARDIZED! Don’t let anyone tell you C++ isn’t standardized. It is standardized. Oh, boy, is it ever standardized. It’s so standardized you can envision the entire ANSI C++ standards committee standing up and shouting, “Standardize THIS!”

An OO language without GC is like surgery with a spork. I may be falling off the deep-end into fanaticism, but hey, I’m used to that.

As you can see, smoking offers the best long term investment. Plus, by investing in tobacco companies, I can take part in the death of over 300,000 people per year. What more could a man want?

Baseball bat! Baseball bat! Baseball bat! Baseball bat!

Blaming society for your problems is like blaming crowds for rain.

COBOL. Hell’s language. In Hell. C and C++ programmers decipher and maintain undocumented decades old code written in a language they don’t even know, which was maintained by people who didn’t know COBOL, either. Patience begins here.

Congratulations, StarFighter, you have now reached the level of mid semester senior. Your score is 1390 for 360 moves. Would you like to proceed (Y/N)?

Cybersex. I’m still waiting for someone to admit that the sight of some computer type sitting infront of his computer with a fake vagina wired to the parallel port is rather sad and not exciting.

Damn. But just goes to prove the law of computing: Abandon All Hope of Good Products Ye Who Enter Here.

Don’t bring the facts into this!

Emacs is a disease, not a tool.

FACT: The web sucks and it does NOT SCALE WELL. This should be obvious to, well, everyone in the universe. Even the dumb parts of the universe.

File that goat patent. We stand at the cusp of dimination of glow-in-the-goat technology. We must take a key position.

Get a RETURN key or DIE a CANCEROUS, BLOODY DEATH.

God, that’s amazing. Good design on Unix – hell, it’s like finding gold in your back yard. About as likely, too.

God hates me. This I know. I saw it in the shape of my Quaker Instant Oatmeal this morning. The tracks and valleys left by the spoon were unusual and probably demonic.

HAHAHAHAHA, and if you believe that, I’ve got an interoperable Unix to sell you.

Hey, cool. I can just see it– some of these quotes come back to haunt me (ruin my career, future, marriage, plans to take over the world and deliver it unto Satan `^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H`).

How much analysis was required for this conclusion? Did they do both nostrils, or just one?

I have come to the conclusion that Celine Dion is an alien and that her so-called “music” is actually sinister mind control beams. I am fortunately resistant and can hear the “music” for the shrill, awful, pouty crapola that it is, but it is evident to me that much of humanity has fallen into the alien’s sinister grip. My contacts have also let it be known to me that a certain race of strictly homosexual herion addicted blue-skinned planetary observers has elected Leonardo DiCaprio their leader.

I mean… That’s it. Is this a pervert?

I was running the GreatCircle demo from www.geodesic.com in the background. It leaked/recovered 680MB in the time it took to write this. I’m tempted to leave it running to see what happens when it hits MAXINT. I’m only speculating here, but I’d bet it says, “NETSCAPE GOLD!!”

I wish there was some masked avenger who would travel the world and garrote anyone who uses the “Wi-Fi” moniker.

I wonder how hard the LSAT is… I wonder if I could get into law school… I wonder if I could be a lawyer without choking myself to death one cold, quiet winter night…

I’ve got half a gig of 3d videos in my pants, and I’m not glad to see you.

I’ve prepared some interesting PowerPoint presentations on how to do efficient OpenGL programming and now, INSTEAD OF SHOWING THEM TO YOU, I AM GOING TO SET THEM ON FIRE!!!

If Kellogs was a country, and FruitLoops their currency, what factors would affect the exchange rate?

It’s an ALIEN! Yes, an ALIEN. A big hulking alien. My groggy but functioning automatic response program IS operational. It says, “What the hell are you talking about?” Make note for future: this is probably not the best way to handle a first contact.

It’s interesting that, once you get your second wind, you discover that the brain doesn’t need sleep at all. Sleep is a myth and a product of cultural influences. The brain just needs Mountain Dew. Now, the eyelids, that’s another issue. For that I think you’d need to go intravenous.

Java: Write once, debug everywhere.

Just for fun, go into one of the binary groups and say, ‘Is there an ftp site for this stuff? Please email.’

Life without STL is like being Elvis: you start wanting to dig holes in your feet to get demerol.

Lisp is a great language – it’s heavily recursive, interactive, easy to read, and well thought out. It is to C++ what primal joy is to, oh, stabbing yourself in the face with an icepick

…“Little Blue Riding Hood” – poor girl had her taxes blown away by buggy software, so she has to sell her house and move in with GrandMa, who has been christened a member of Team OS/2. She has developed protruding fangs and hair has begun to grow from her ears.

look, coming down from the trees was the first mistake. We should never have given up vt52s. Real Unix people try and stay within the constraints of vt’s because – golly – you never know when you’re going to need to web browse using a serial terminal.

[Lost World] combines all the cliche’s like the Kmart of Filmmaking was having a liquidation sale.

Lost World didn’t make enough sense to be insulting, and even at the moments when you know Speilberg was sitting in the cutting room saying “geeze, that really sucks.. I can’t show that to a paying audience.. Well.. Maybe with music..” you don’t really feel slapped the way, say, in congo you do when Tim Curry is doing the worst impression of a gay Romanian treasure hunter in, well, ever.

May we suggest, “Mission to Utah With Red Lens Filters” as an alternative title?

ML attempts to enforce good programming with the functional model. I think it enforces good programming by preventing the development of large projects in ML.

newgroup “alt.oracle.dumbass.ceo” please

Obviously, you have the brains of a kitchen blender. But that is /not/ the issue. The issue is, are you working on a pickup or not?

Oh, hey, good news. They’re filming Species 2. I think the sub-head is, “No, the Cocaine Problem in Hollywood Is Still Here”

Our research methods consisted of picking our noses while making the obvious assumption.

Pardon me, sir, but you’ve had one order N too many.

programming should be fun. With d3d,it’s not. It really isn’t. How can I express this. … Imagine programming… a seriously complex system… with COBOL.

quick, my foot is getting away! shoot it!

Severed Heads: It’s not just a rock band anymore.

Software is about getting things working. It is not about pretending to be a math guy.

Some part of me wants to make a sheet of jokes that start with “A naive startup walks into a bar…”

SPARC has the low work-per-instruction of a simple RISC and Sun adds enough difficult features to achieve the low clock frequency of a traditional CISC implementation.

Still, the battle is not over. We have managed to corrupt the academic world, but the commercial world stands firm. They insist on using languages that actually allow the development of large, complex programs. Until we convince the Western Imperialist Capitalist Industrialists to use ML, our victory will not be complete!

Surely the strong and noble residents of Willow Glenn are down to earth types. They are people of the soil. They know about nature and toil. These people are not going to be antsy, panicky, afraid-of-a-leetle-leezard types. If the lizard has them scared, it must be because it is mightier than their SUVs and meaner than the many Lexus vehicles they have arrayed in their defense.

Take it from me, Pol Pot. You might remember me from such documentaries as ‘The Killing Fields’ and the travelguide, ‘A Trip to Skull Mountain’….

The GUI support really sucks – if I wanted an X feel on Windows, I’d pound a pencil through my forehead.

The rock’s at the top of the hill, Sisyphus. Quit messing around!

The theory of NeXT’s success is a lot like the theory of creationism. Everyone claims to know and understand it, but no one can present a clear, realistic picture of how it’s supposed to work.

There’s nothing like a few good corpses to help along natural selection.

This is one of many special ML features to encourage good code by preventing any code from being written. … Think about it all the liability you avoid by never shipping anything!

This translates roughly as, “why buy music/food/whatever when you can buy RAM?”

Thought for the day: Asking someone if they’re on crack may *not* be the ideal way of saying, “What, are you high?”

Thought for the future: if you fall behind, and get sick, and blow two exams because you are sick as a dog and have three exams and a project due in one WEEK, no matter HOW well you do on the final exam you CANNOT get more than a C. Obvious solution: don’t get behind. Real-world solution: don’t get sick.

To sum it up, … A computer scientist needs a tie like a bat needs sunglasses. A computer scientist needs a tie like a composer needs a stroke. A computer scientist needs a tie like a prostate needs cancer. A computer scientist needs a tie like an opera needs a chainsaw. A computer scientist needs a tie like baby food needs glass shards. A computer scientist needs a tie like kool aide needs cyanide.

Want an example of the, oh, worst possible syntax for a construction? Look to ML, the language with the magical changing syntax.

Well, there’s the problem right there. They should be investing in forward thinking technologies like the web, which being forward looking, doesn’t look back, and turned out to be implemented atop a protocol that made every mistake and wrong decision that the very earliest versions of NFS made and corrected with experience.

Whackamole is holy. How dare they change it. I’m going to blow up a burger king over this.

What the hell kind of weird group is this? One album is a likeable sort of techno/rave/eurotrash, and the other one is like… TORI AMOS. doing ACID. while SUCKING HELIUM. and singing ______ EASY LISTENING EIGHTIES OLDIES ________

“What will a 100 percent Netscape Java browser mean for computer users? It will make Netscape’s widely used browsers much more portable, allowing them to […] crash […] on many different computers and within other software applications.”

What’s the point of this? Nothing, just another chance to talk about why C++ sucks.

(1) mp3 players do not bother to verify the format of the file you hand them beyond the header (2) if you transfer an MP3 in ascii mode, you get one of the weirdest audio experiences I’ve ever heard (3) especially if it’s the A Team theme.

A search based on these criteria usually yields a male who is 50-plus years old, has a Masters degree in an engineering science, and has moved up the managerial ladder to the top spot in one or more corporations. Unfortunately, there are currently few minorities and almost no women who chose to be engineering graduate students 30 years ago. (That picture will be dramatically different in 10 years, due to the greater diversification of graduate students in the ‘80s.) Bluntly stated, a “woman’s view” on how to run our semiconductor company does not help us, unless that woman has an advanced technical degree and experience as a CEO.

There’s only one person in the world like you. If you think about it for a moment, there has never been, and there never will be in the history of the earth another person just like you.

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

I may be wrong, but you will always be short.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

The more you observe politics, the more you’ve got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

The NSA is now funding research not only in cryptography, but in all areas of advanced mathematics. If you’d like a circular describing these new research opportunities, just pick up your phone, call your mother, and ask for one.

Profits are better than wages. Wages make you a living; Profits make you a fortune.

If you have sex with a cow, you basically win.

Go without a coat when it’s cold; find out what cold is. Go hungry; keep your existence lean. Wear away the fat, get down to the lean tissue and see what it’s all about. The only time you define your character is when you go without. In times of hardship, you find out what you’re made of and what you’re capable of. If you’re never tested, you’ll never define your character.

No such thing as spare time, no such thing as free time, no such thing as down time. All you got is life time. Go.

Sleep deprivation makes everything really neat.

i’m not here to help–i’m here to torment under the guise of helping.

In the nine years since launching Nancy Boy I’ve often wondered what might have transpired had we picked a name that didn’t repel 97% of the population.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.

I have seen war. I have seen war on land and sea. I have seen blood running from the wounded. I have seen the dead in the mud. I have seen cities destroyed. I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives. I hate war.

The truth is found when men are free to pursue it.

Far better it is to dare mighty things to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered with failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that know not victory or defeat.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles; or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deed, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else.

The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life.

There are two things that I want you to make up your minds to: first, that you are going to have a good time as long as you live - I have no use for the sour-faced man - and next, that you are going to do something worthwhile, that you are going to work hard and do the things you set out to do.“

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President or that we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

Unfortunately, most application protocol design has not enjoyed as excellent a history as TCP. Engineers design protocols the way monkeys try to get to the moon that is, by climbing a tree, looking around, and finding another tree to climb.

‘Do what I say, not what I do.’ Shall be the whole of the law.

I take every chance I can get to publicly apologize for ‘Gone In 60 Seconds’.

This is not the typical O'Reilly book that tells you how to build a Unix firewall machine from a box of toothpicks and an old coffee maker. There are no code listings, no listings of function parameters, and no workarounds on little known bugs in SunOS 4.1.4.

No, but if you piss off a Unitarian you might wake up to find a burning question mark on your lawn.

Freedom is not a gift from the state, it’s the space we hack out for ourselves in the face of the powermongers and their apologists in academia and the media, who have a seemingly genetic predisposition to try to take it away from us.

Don’t do that – it’s easy to shoot yourself in the foot. I mean, this Perl, it’s all about shooting yourself in the foot. This might blow off your leg or something.

The next big thing is whatever makes the last big thing usable.

I’m naturally paranoid. I come from Russian-Jewish stock, so I have a complete sense of persecution at all times.

Look, it’s my misery that I have to paint this kind of painting, it’s your misery that you have to love it, and the price of the misery is thirteen hundred and fifty dollars.

Silence is so accurate.

No matter what happens, sooner or later character in leadership is revealed.

Imagine a world without hypothetical situations.

If you ask a stupid question, you may feel stupid. If you don’t ask a stupid question, you remain stupid.

And remember kids, unless Mr. Gill says otherwise, "it doesn’t scale.”

There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain.

Yeah, your Mac works best when you wear all black. I wear all black and never have any problems with my machine.

Sex is our calling, and there’s nothing we think about more. When a woman passes an attractive man on the street, she may imagine being on his arm, kissing him wildly under the stars. When a guy passes an attractive woman on the street, he’s invented 16 new sexual positions faster than Big Blue can calculate a chess move. That’s the sort of ingenuity that builds nations.

And don’t forget, ladies, that nothing says ‘I care’ quite like a restraining order….

I love the smell of sophistry in the morning.

It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

It seems like one click shopping is a reality that can be granted a patent, but one click stop Amazon’s spam is only pie in the sky.

Just did poorly on my Operating Systems midterm. The last question (25% of the grade) was completely unintelligible. It was on semaphores but since I didn’t understand it let me use a history analogy. The question was the computer science equivalent of ‘Write a 6-8 page essay on the communist regime in China.’ To which my analogous answer was ‘It sucked.’

Worst Month of the Year: February. February has only 28 days in it, which means that if you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don’t get. Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.

Don’t hate him because he’s beautiful. He uses Emacs, and so can you.

it’s called life. deal.

That a majority should be able to compel others to live in their kind of world is specifically what those who founded our country did not believe in.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Virtual Hair - the wave of the future! I can see it now. Hair club for men becomes obsolete…

When a woman has been scorned there are no accidents.

I like the stress, it keeps me bright-eyed and perky. Okay, wild-eyed and high-strung, whatever.

It is with deepest regrets we must inform you that you’re a weenie.

I myself manage to hold large numbers of wholly irreconcilable views simultaneously, without the least difficulty. I do not think others are less versatile.

Advocates of capitalism are very apt to appeal to the sacred principles of liberty, which are all embodied in one maxim: The fortunate must not be restrained in the exercise of tyranny over the unfortunate.

If there were in the world today a large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others we could have a paradise in a few years.

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.

Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do.

Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.

Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.

The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Well… everybody’s being very careful, these days, sexually, but there are still several pockets of promiscuity… the Marines and the Evangelists.

What IS a ‘moderate Iranian’, anyway? Someone who takes hostages but doesn’t eat them?

My text read, “At 32 feet per second per second, you’d have one G of gravity.” The copy editor evidently decided that the second “per second” was a mistake and took it out. I have since informed the production editor that acceleration does not occur at a constant speed, even in fiction.

He who doesn’t risk never gets to drink champagne.

All science is either physics or stamp collecting.

The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the ‘social sciences’ is: some do, some don’t.

Clearly Osama bin Laden wants Americans to think that he thinks they will think he only wants them to think he is trying to get George Bush re-elected so they will think that by voting for Mr. Bush they will not have been taken in, but in reality, if they think that, they will have been.

The ITU itself has no authority to much of anything except to run meetings, bathrooms, and webservers.

I simply want to celebrate the fact that right near your home, year in and year out, a community college is quietly — and with very little financial encouragement — saving lives and minds. I can’t think of a more efficient, hopeful or egalitarian machine, expect perhaps the bicycle.

Life always sucks. It’s just that sometimes that feels very good.

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.