Quotes: unknown

A bad design with a good presentation is doomed eventually. A good design with a bad presentation is doomed immediately.

A cat spends her life conflicted between a deep, passionate and profound desire for fish and an equally deep, passionate and profound desire to avoid getting wet. This is the defining metaphor of my life right now.

A cat that’s been in formaldehyde is *much* different from a fresh cat. A fresh cat is *much* better.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

A Conservative is a liberal that’s been mugged. A Libertarian is a Conservative that’s been audited.

A friend who used to work at ‘research lab’ related a story about a customer support line at ‘company’. The support person said something on the order of “You’re not our only customer, you know,” to which his reply was, “Perhaps not, but we’re one of the few with tactical nuclear weapons.”

A hit with a .22 beats a miss with a .44.

A layman knows he has to kick it.; An amateur knows where to kick it.; A professional knows how hard.

A little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men.

A planet is a nice thing spoiled by a sparse population of Dominoes Delivery Men.

A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

A pre-emptive retaliatory strike: get them back before they get you in the first place.

Academic training was instrumental. You have to understand the language of society before you can start stretching and subverting it and ripping and tearing it and burning it and watching the plastic drip on the ants.

Acid is like a woman – a good one’ll eat right through your pants.

Altoids used to clear my sinuses, so I bought a box and ate 15 of them or so, all at once. Result: the usual pain everywhere but in my sinuses. I take this as a bad sign. I imagine my sinuses are basically “filled to the Rim with Brim” except it’s not Brim it’s like solid snot.

Always carry a short length of fibre-optic cable. If you get lost, then you can drop it on the ground, wait 10 minutes, and ask the backhoe operator how to get back to civilization.

An engineer is a person who passes as an exciting technical expert on the basis of being able to turn out with prolific fortitude, infinite strings of incomprehensive estimates calculated with microscopic precision from vague assumptions and debatable figures taken from inconclusive data obtained with recording devices of problematical accuracy by uninformed persons of doubtful reliability and questionable mentality.

And God said, “Let there be vodka!” And He saw that it was good. Then God said, “Let there be light!” And then He said, “Whoa - too much light.”

Anime is better than bunraku because it is much shorter and has a snappy rock soundtrack

Apple called it the MAC Quadra instead of the MAC III because most MAC users can’t count to three.

Art is anything you can get away with.

At the rate we’re going, hell may freeze before our next release.

Backreference is irrelevant. Longest possible match is irrelevant. You will be pattern matched.

BDA Quarterly is not a comic book!

Because of a new government ban on chlorofluorocarbons, the US Air Force is to refit all its nuclear missiles with new cooling systems which don’t use CFCs. This is to protect the environment while they wait to deliver terminal global warming. The Environmental Protection Agency concedes that it may be ‘ironic’ to make nuclear missiles more eco-friendly, but regulations are regulations.

Being an OOP programmer without knowing Smalltalk is like being a Christian preacher without knowing the Scriptures

better to misplace cat5 than to misplace 5 cats

Beware of the man who only owns one gun. He probably knows how to use it.

Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick it once and you suck forever.

bom.ni.science \bom-‘nish-*n(t)s\ n : the situation, quality, or state whereby Bo knows everything.

Business is like riding a bicycle – either you keep moving or you fall down.

Calm down. It’s only ones and zeros.

Cats seem to live by the opinion that it never hurts to ask for what you want.

Choose your enemies carefully. Sooner or later you begin to look like them.

Civilization doesn’t give out, it gives in. In a society where anything goes, eventually everything will.

Computers help us do stupid things faster.

congratulations! you are the first person to crash my new computer. you have won a stream of obscenities.

Consulting is like dating - you smile a lot, you pretend to enjoy yourself, and wait for some jerk to call you back.

Curiousity never killed anything other than a few hours.

Cryptic or stupid. You decide.

Dallas,TX: Where we shoot Presidents and shoot people who shoot Presidents.

Dammit, we just sprayed for goths last week!

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.

Don’t be duped by people who sit at the tables Jesus flipped.

Due to the aids epedemic it is no longer company policy to suck up or kiss the boss’s ass.

During calculus and physics we have all learned that the time derivative of position is velocity, and the time derivative of velocity is acceleration. Not so well known is that the term for a change in acceleration wrt time is 'jerk’ and is used in physiology to describe the fluidity of bodily motions. The question then arises, what terms should one use for a change of ‘jerk’? The term ‘inauguration’ has been suggested for this purpose.

Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway

effective immediately, my email address will change from [foo@foo.com] to [bar@bar.net]. This may mean nothing or absolutely nothing to you depending on which of the people I sent this to are recieveing it. If it does mean something to you, please don’t write to my old email address or bad things may happen to you and you family. For example, two months ago an egyptian archeologist in egypt mailed my old email address and was later found to be dead from mosquito bites. His wife and kids lived happily ever after. Another man in peru mailed my old email address before he went on an expedition to that incan city I forget it’s name. He broke his leg. He came back and mailed my correct address and three weeks later his leg was mysteriously healed and he discovered a new incan city just two miles from his home. this is NOT a chain letter, please do not send it to anyone.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don’t say.

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

First, God created Man. Then He rested. Then, God created Woman, and nobody’s rested since.

First, there was nothing. Then it exploded.

‘For the children’ is the root password for the Constitution.

France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence and with not very good shopping.

Give a hungry man a fish and you have fed him for a day, but give him a case of dynamite and soon the entire village will be showered with mud and water and hard-to-identify little chunks of fish.

Girls don’t chase boys, but then, mousetraps don’t chase mice.

Hard to say, since Emacs is still being developed. If at the end of its development its executable size is at least 3.2 times the size of the OS kernel it’s being run under (Chandrasekhar’s limit), no force in the universe can stop its collapse. Under SunOS the Emacs to kernel ration is about 1:1 if the X interface is configured in. This means that on stripped down workstation kernels the ration could go up to 1.3, enough so that Emacs would collapse into a single dense line of microcode equivalent to 150,000 lines of C and Lisp, if Emacs were to cease being developed at this time.

He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

He who never programmed in assembler as a youth has no heart. He who programs in assembler as an adult has no brain.

He who never struggled with DOS in his youth has no heart. He who still struggles with DOS in his later years has no brain.

Here in the states we support the right to arm bears. It says so in the Fourth Amendment of our Constitution.

Hmmm. 10 years ago I was hacking MCI, now they’re giving me free accounts. I must be getting old or something.

Humans are not so much greatly rational as great rationalizers.

[I am] an honest businessman. An investor. A farmer. A winemaker. (That’s one of mine you are drinking now, by the way. Do you like it?). An philosopher. And, oh, yes, a very highly-paid assassin.

I am Homer of Borg. Resistance is Fu… Ooooh! Donuts!

I believe God gave me a limited number of words to use in my lifetime. When I say all I have to say, I will then die. Therefore, I will not waste any of my precious words yelling and arguing with you.

I do not ‘work’. I have people who pay me to do my hobbies in a timely fashion.

I don’t hate falling in love so much as knowing that every fall ends in a sudden stop, and the stop is usually very painful.

I don’t hate women… I just tend to get confused and stepped on by them… that is why i said I should join a monestary… I figure they could at least protect me…. course my luck, soon as I joined they would start having “mixers” with some convent of beauiful nuns…

I find it hard to sit still in one spot, and impossible to sit still in two spots.

I have a very firm grasp on reality! I can reach out and strangle it any time!

I have found that it is much easier to fake an orgasm than to pretend to like basketball.

I have had no problems with DOS either, I use UNIX.

I have looked into the abyss, and the abyss looked also back into me. Neither of us liked what we saw.

I have three years of work to do, and do not have an hour to waste. I’m not running X, though, nor do I have any desire to play spellcaster at 9am.

I haven’t had much use for manifestos since I found the gospel of cynical hedonism.

I haven’t lost my mind; it’s backed up on tape somewhere!

I hear all this talk about base memory, expanded memory, and extended memory. What is the difference, and why don’t I have them on my Amiga?

I identify with GIR. I mean, really identify. I’m a green doggie suit away from eating tuna fish out of my foot.

I know WINDOWS, boy. DOS AND WINDOWS. I can scavenge API calls with the best of them, and remap your drives to the toaster in your kitchen, but my UNIX expertise basically touches on ls -al and pine.

I like being intriguing. Most people aren’t. And sometimes I THINK people are intriguing, and then I get to know them and they just turn out to be weird. Oh, well.

I see these kids today, in their black satanic t-shirts, and I think “What are you doing?? You didn’t grow up in the 80’s. I thought we were gonna get NUKED! What’s YOUR excuse?”

I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I should be reading for my Buddhism class right now, but I figure Buddhism is one of those subjects that is best contemplated, not studied.

I think his religion is Discordian. However, I think that that is a joke.

I think, therefore I’m single.

If 99% is good enough, then gravity will not work for 14 mins every day.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If this continues I don’t see how SGI can continue to allow reality to exist, or they could just change the guidelines so that customers won’t be offended by anything they find there.

if you have an ax, every problem looks like hours of fun

If you try to kill the king, you need to kill the king.

If you want to see an image of the future, imagine a boot taking forever, and remember that it is forever.

If you wish to do buzzword oriented programming you must use a strongly hyped language.

If you’re moving, you’re breathing, if you’re breathing, you’re alive, and if you’re alive, it’s a good day. It’s a good day.

I’m working on putting my best songs in mp3-format so I can use my computer as an expensive stereo.

In a world without fences, who needs Gates?

In America, it’s not how much an item costs, it’s how much you save.

In order to truly understand ‘Mankind’, it is first necessary to look at the the two words from which it was formed: ‘Mank’ and ‘ind’…. It’s a total mystery.

In absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily acts of trivia.

In the ISP craze, there is only one thing that is important. One thing that is more important than family, friends, or the fact that you’ve just pushed your mother into a pit with Yog Sohoth, Demon Lord of all that is Unholy. And that one thing is porn.

It being Valentine’s, me being single, I’m probably going to go to a bar and drink a pint of bitter.

It is not without reason that I am being unreasonable.

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

It’s nice to be important, but it’s important to be nice.

It’s recently come to Fortune’s attention that scientists have stopped using laboratory rats in favor of attorneys. Seems that there are not only more of them, but you don’t get so emotionally attached. The only difficulty is that it’s sometimes difficult to apply the experimental results to humans.

It’s good to eat. It’s good to laugh. But try to both at the same time and you’ll pay through the nose.

It’s got stats. We can kill it.

It’s only funny until someone loses an arm or leg. Then it’s hilarious.

Jeffrey Dahmer: Because a sandwich is a sandwich, but a manwich is a meal.

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.

Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped design. Unlike most automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gage, nor any of the numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver. Rather, if the driver makes any mistake, a giant “?” lights up in the center of the dashboard. “The experienced driver”, he says, “will usually know what’s wrong.”

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

Life is uncertain - eat dessert first

life’s too short to spend one-seventh of it on monday.

Manchester is probably the only city on Earth where a bomb could go off and do billions of pounds worth of improvement.

Marketing: where the rubber meets the sky.

Max and Bill went up the hill, to fetch some paint for Ratha, Max made the trip, ‘cause he is whipped, and Bill got lost in the Southside.

Maybe we should just call it ISO9K; that way people will realize it’s a problem, just like the Y2K stuff.

Microsoft - where quality is job 1.0.1

Money sucks, and people suck, and the world sucks, let’s go dye our hair.

Moral principles can never be compromised; they can only be abandoned.

Most companies have code freeze. What we have is a sort of code frost, which burns off by late afternoon.

Most of the VAX instructions are in microcode, but halt and no-op are in hardware for efficiency

My nephew wants to be an abstract artist, so I got him a 'paint-by-irrational-number’ kit.

Nazi Clause? Man, Christmas really has changed.

Nerds tend to have miserable adolescences and they grow up to inherit the earth.

never make a rule you can’t enforce, never make a rule you won’t enforce, and never make a rule that makes you look like an idiot if you do enforce it

Nobody expects miracles unless they’re a really bad manager…

Note: this is only for official Open Software Foundation Motif inspired Angst. If you’re experiencing TCL/Tk That Only Looks Like Motif But Doesn’t Suck Angst, then you should stop whining and fix the problem yourself, if somebody else hasn’t already.

Noting, as did Mr. Shumate, that the world failed to end on Friday, I have been checking rnoone.com all weekend for some comment on this startling development. No joy. Frankly, I’m disgruntled that, after having paid good money for my copy of _5/5/2000: Ice: The Ultimate Disaster_, that here in Washington, D.C. we didn’t get so much as refreshing blizzard.

Now here’s today’s lesson about mind over matter. If you have the willpower to bring a large, metal, finely machined assault weapon into existance, think about how many small, light, green pieces of paper you can make. And all the drugs you can buy with them. Won’t they make you feel _much_ better than a few seconds of random violence?

NT: Better DOS than Windows. Better Windows than DOS.

Obtain one Lamb o’ God. Garnish with approximately 90 vegetables, and seal up tightly with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Allow them to stew in their own juice for 51 days, then sear quickly using a wood fire. Serves 1 media circus.

Obviously, you are too young and naive to have realised the utter futility of life. We are here because our parents had a few moments of meaningless lust that they did not enjoy. Our parents did not raise us because they love us, for who can love a mewling, puking infant? They did because they were genetically programmed to. Once we are grown, we will have our meaningless lusts with someone we do not love, someone who does not love us, or both. We will probably have children who do not love us either and will leave home at the earliest opportunity. We’ll work in meaningless jobs, and our work will not affect anybody’s lives, except to slightly annoy someone. When we die, only those we owe money to will mourn our being dead before we returned their money.

One of the main things to notice about history is that it doesn’t change much once it’s happened.

Only dead fish swim with the stream.

Only those who attempt the absurd … will achieve the impossible

Only women get used. Men just perform on cue.

Organization and good planning are just crutches for people that can’t handle stress and caffeine.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it’s safer to pick on rich women than biker gangs.

People do judge a book by its cover. That’s why they put covers on them.

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

Photography is one percent inspiration and 99 percent moving furniture.

Programming is like sex - one mistake and you end up supporting it for a lifetime.

“Quid pro quo” is Latin for “Sleep with me or clean out your desk.”

Real love, despite party line counsel to the contrary, is permeated with dependency, as well it should be. It should therefore come as no surprise that dependency upon the system and its non-human servitors has replaced dependency upon mates. One falls in love and cohabitates with his or her computer.

Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.

Roll as many dice as you like. Just tell me which one’s your Body save.

Rome was not built in a night.

Sex is a natural bodily process, like a stroke.

Sex is any activity that has a 40% or better chance of resulting in an orgasm.

So I think we should build an Intel processor out of penguins.

Some don’t prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.

Some people make mistakes, I initiate disasters

Sometimes, when I’m feeling really bad, I look at my six, and I say to myself, “no, it’s just a nine.” I try to trick myself, but no…

STAR TREK: Deep Space Nine… To boldly stay where no man has stayed before.

Suicide is not a viable alternative. No matter what situation you have been placed in that is making you unhappy, it can be traced to an individual or group. This person or group must be destroyed.

Support Mental Health. Or I’ll kill you.

Thank you for flying U.S.A.F. We hope that you will consider us again when your travel plans next include bombing Tripoli.

The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

The cost of living is high; but it is worth it if you consider the alternative.

The definition of the Information Age is an explosion in the amount of information it’s safe to ignore.

The difference between America and Brittain is that the British think 100 miles is a long distance and Americans think 100 years is a long time.

The difference between the military and the Boy Scouts of America is the Boy Scouts are allowed to carry knives and they have adult leadership.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

The F.B.I. is like a kitten. If you give them some milk, they’ll come back.

The following advisory for American travellers heading for France was compiled from information provided by the US State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centres for Disease Control, and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don’t know about.

The game is simple. You have to drive from San Antonio to Dallas with a bumper sticker that reads “I’m gay, and I’ve come to take your guns”. First one to make it wins.

The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we’ve finished building it.

The good news about computers is that they do exactly what you tell them to do. The bad news about computers is that they do exactly what you tell them to do.

The Heineken Uncertainty Principle: you can never be sure how many beers you had last night.

The ideal situation is to have real computing power close at hand - right at home. Something that dims streetlights and shrinks the picture on the neighbors TV when you crank it up.

The most elegant speeches may sway the hearts and minds of men, but not one ever stopped a bullet.

The NeXT: The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a Workstation, the unit sales make it a Mainframe.

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

“..the other day I was surfing the web and saw an image of a well known talk show host superimposed on an image of two men involved in fellatio and I don’t want the CDA to take away the small bit of pleasure that image brought me…”

The people sensible enough to give good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake – which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

The search for the perfect martini is a fraud. The perfect martini is a belt of gin from the bottle; anything else is the decadent trappings of civilization.

The silence is over, turn out the dark.

The superior pilot uses his superior judgement to avoid situations in which he has to demonstrate his superior skill.

The three main weapons of UN*X are fear, surprise, and ruthless lawyers.

There are seven days in a week and ’some day’ isn’t one of them.

There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.

They are still doing what they are told–even more so, except with the illusion of independence. They no longer must shut up and say nothing. They can get on the internet and let the world know. Every man and woman has a voice. It matters little that the data from which they draw is limited to exactly just how much they should know.

“They’re such NICE young men,” said 78 year old Mildred Matthews, walking her dog nearby. “They would pet my dog, and we’d talk about Art Bell, Deep Space Nine and the X Files. I think they just got tired of being repressed and kept down by The Man,” said this great-grandmother when interviewed this morning.

Things you don’t hear on Star Trek: Uhura, I’m scared; Shut ‘er down Scotty, she’s suckin’ mud!; Dammit Spock! That’s the fifteenth nutterbutter you’ve eaten today!

This is great! The routing is working the way it’s supposed to for the first time in months! This is awesome! This is great! This means I can have a transitional phase while I switch to a new provider!

This is not a security hole in ssh. This is a security hole in the head of any Unix sysadmin who uses “finger” or “who” to see who’s using their system.

This principle is so perfectly general that no particular application of it is possible.

Those who hear not the music think the dancers mad.

Tim Pierce… trisexual: men, women, and computers.

To a New Yorker, all Californians are blond, even the blacks. There are, in fact, whole neighborhoods that are zoned only for blond people. The only way to tell the difference between California and Sweden is that the Swedes speak better English.“

To unwind, the cast and I become irritable and bicker like children.

Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach’s "St. Matthew Passion” on a ukelele.

UNIX is a lot like life: the way you start a child is to fork.

We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re engineers.

We have tamed lightning, and now use it to make sand think.

We’re in New York! You can spew anywhere - no one will notice.

We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare … Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this isn’t true.

Well-known saying : ‘First thing we do is to shoot all the lawyers.’ Have you noticed how many Gun Control Bills there are these days…?

What do you get when you cross lee iacocca and dracula? autoexec.bat

When I was in a band, kids would come up to me and be like “You’re SO cool!” All I could think was “Uhm, I’m a DORK. I play Dungeons and Dragons and I LIKE it.”

When in Rome, head to the Steelers bar.

When the conscious becomes unconscious, you’re drunk. When the unconscious becomes conscious, you’re stoned.

When you are having a bad day, and it seems like everybody is trying to tick you off, that it takes 42 muscles to produce a frown, but only 4 muscles to work the trigger of a good sniper rifle.

why be difficult, when, with a bit of effort, you can be impossible

Willamette goes to market as Pentium 4. Branding: It’s what you do to a cow.

With all due respect, these may be nifty programs, but the word “awesome” should be used to describe something that truly inspires awe. The American Heritage Dictionary defines awe as a mingling of “reverence, dread, and wonder, inspired by something majestic or sublime.” Normally, this word is reserved for God and his works. To use “awesome” for anything less is verbicide, pure and simple.

With friends like you, who needs conspiratorial governments?

You can classify any behavior using the scheme I call the “Four F’s.” These are: Feeding, Fleeing, Fighting, and Reproducing.

You can’t teach intelligence.

You will eventually get to a stage where you realize that all operating systems are gross ugly hacks.

You should emulate your heroes, but don’t carry it too far. Especially if they’re dead.

You sometimes may get the feeling that I don’t like you. This is not the case. I just don’t care about you. If you think you disturb me, you’re wrong. You just irritate me to no end, like an incessant gnat that’s always around and won’t go away. The point is, and if you think i’m speaking slowly, it’s only because i want to be painfully clear on this part so there’s no misunderstanding, you are one of the most pathetic, annoying, self impressed, petulant, boring, consistently stupid, and absolutely unimpressive and useless people i have ever met, and if you don’t mind, would you please *go away* and leave me alone.

You’ve gotta understand… this was research code. You need to have a certain level of disbelief while going through it.

While the perspective of Keane as crossbreed between new journalist and contemporary social realist finds much support in the text of this novel, delving deeper into its construction reveals a subtext rooted in a much older philosophical vein. The juxtaposition of the notion of “backwardness” and the visuals of mundaneness is an attempt at the deconstruction of Sartre’s original project of the systematization of the existentialist movement. While many contend that Sartre’s attempt to force the notions of absurdity and being and time into a finite defined system killed the original essence of existentialism, Keane has proven that a self-aware dialectic of the absurd can rekindle the original existential realization that inspired Kierkegaard and his adherents. However, the recurring symbolism of the backward-hat-that-is-not-the-true-backward-hat at times becomes ponderous and loses its impact of absurdity, not unlike the human condition when viewed through lenses of everydayness. Keane needs to expand his symbolic vocabulary if he is to truly express his resolution of Heidegger’s dilemma without degenerating into a trivialization of the uniqueness of humanity’s temporal experience.

No responsible MIS department will ever trust its company’s email to the Internet. Delivery isn’t even guaranteed.

What? Gary _doesn’t_ know everything?

cluelessness leads to flapping… flapping leads to dampening… dampening leads to suffering

This is our NeXT cluster. These are top of the line Macintoshes….

The most important question when any new computer architecture is introduced is ‘So what?’

If you’re listening to 90.9 FM, this is WETA in Washington. If you’re listening to 89.3 FM, this is WETH in Hagerstown. If you’re listening to any other station, your radio is off, and you’re hallucinating. Snap out of it!

Not much happened this weekend; we bombed the hell out of Iraq again … and we’ve got some free pizza to give away, so keep listening!

Thailand:… A place where there are a lot of prostitutes.

I am not sure what this is, but an ‘F’ would only dignify it.

Diplomatic immunity is like virginity. Either you have it, or you don’t.

Mark Rein-Hagen has written 6 combat systems. You’d think he’d get it right sometime.

Cisco’s new slogan: World’s most advanced networking technology roadmaps.

Suppose it’s Monday and the ironworkers have been out drinking all weekend and the building is sort of leaning this way… you have to account for these small imperfections with your structural system.

You will never amount to much.

Can someone point out to me where the heart of Internet is? Last time I looked, the Internet looked more like a bunch of spiders having an orgy.

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

The number one reason people tell us they go online is that they want to have e-mail – which means a good chunk of those 1.2 million people have e-mail addresses

The U.S. Constitution: void where prohibited by law.

Misspelled? Impossible. My modem is error correcting.

Objectivists! The MENSA of political philosophies!

Well I don’t know what a core leak is, but…

I don’t deal with stress; I kill people.

Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper … everyone was eating paper and a policeman was at the door. Now all you have to do is bend a disk.

This is the goriest episode of 90210 I’ve ever seen.

God himself could not sink this ship.

Hello, Bitter party, your table is ready. Bitter, party of one.

One of the students actually sent me mail that said it point blank. He said, “The book sucks.” I was like, we’ll what the hell do you want me to do about it? Take it out and study. Geesh. “The book sucks.” So I say, “Well so does your girlfriend but you still take her out, don’t you?”

This is like being on acid and walking into Disneyland.