Useless Comparison: Shaquille O'Neal, Los Angeles Laker vs. Kozy Shack tapioca pudding
| criterion | Shaq | Kozy Shack | advantage |
|---|---|---|---|
| relevance to my life | none | always a good snack | Kozy Shack |
| taste | tasteless comments about diminutive chinese opponent Yao Ming | tasty desert | Kozy Shack. especially after Ming stuffed Shaq four times in one game. |
| packaging | 7'1", 338 lbs | ½ cup, 113g per serving | tie: Kozy Shack if you’re looking for portability; Shaq if you’re looking for intimidation |
| availability | signed to the lakers, might sign an autograph if you’re nice | they never seem to have the big containers at the albertson’s near me but lately they’ve been carrying the single serving packs | tie. neither readily available. Kozy Shack will win this one if they keep carrying the single serving pack with the “club card” discount, though. |
| attack? | Shaq attack, useful if you’re playing professional basketball | hunger attack, always good to have on hand in case of | Kozy Shack, unless you’re Michael Jordan. actually even if you are Michael Jordan, as he does not fear Shaq. |
winner: Kozy Shack
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