quotes: w

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I think you should know I worry a lot. Like the Nobel sperm bank. Something bothers me about the world's greatest geniuses sitting around reading pornography and jerking off.
-Jane Wagner
There is no point buying this car to travel from A to B. It is there for the sheer pleasure of driving, and you wouldn't get to do that too often, because it's often a long wait before you get your license back.
-waitnews.com
Sex is just the sublimation of the math urge.
-David Wald
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
-George Wald
Mulberry: none of OUR employees have ever been arrested for international espionage.
-Matt Wall
And don't tell me there isn't one bit of difference between null and space, because that's exactly how much difference there is.
-Larry Wall
Anyway, there's plenty of room for doubt. It might seem easy enough, but computer language design is just like a stroll in the park. Jurassic Park, that is.
-Larry Wall
Artificial intelligences make mistakes too, only faster.
-Larry Wall
Down that path lies madness. On the other hand, the road to hell is paved with melting snowballs.
-Larry Wall
If you consistently take an antagonistic approach, however, people are going to start thinking you're from New York.
-Larry Wall
In general, they do what you want, unless you want consistency.
-Larry Wall
It ought to be illegal to yell 'Y2K' in a crowded economy
-Larry Wall
Lispers are among the best grads of the Sweep-It-Under-Someone-Else's-Carpet School of Simulated Simplicity.
-Larry Wall
Randal said it would be tough to do in sed. He didn't say he didn't understand sed. Randal understands sed quite well. Which is why he uses Perl.
-Larry Wall
Real programmers can write assembly code in any language.
-Larry Wall
Tactical? TACTICAL!?!? Hey, buddy, we went from kilotons to megatons several minutes ago. We don't need no stinkin' tactical nukes. (By the way, do you have change for 10 million people?)
-Larry Wall
Unix is like a toll road on which you have to stop every 50 feet to pay another nickel. But hey! You only feel 5 cents poorer each time.
-Larry Wall
Well, enough clowning around. Perl is, in intent, a cleaned up and summarized version of that wonderful semi-natural language known as "Unix".
-Larry Wall
What is the sound of Perl? Is it not the sound of a wall that people have stopped banging their heads against?
-Larry Wall
When in doubt, parenthesize. At the very least it will let some poor schmuck bounce on the % key in vi.
-Larry Wall
Your csh still thinks true is false. Write to your vendor today and tell them that next year Configure ought to "rm /bin/csh" unless they fix their blasted shell.
-Larry Wall
Before the Gulf War started, the Iraqi Army was the the fourth largest in the world. Now, its the second largest army in Iraq.
-Wall Street Journal, March 15, 1991
The later models can pack nearly half a pound of dynamite, enough to blow off the better part of a leg. A fair number of the mines have been washed away by rain or set off over the years by wild boar and deer -- the noise of exploding wildlife is a well-known neighborhood sound for Germans living near the former border.
-The Wall Street Journal, 4/14/93
The point here is that the protagonists' attempts to revise the "script" of history in "T2" parallel the director's having to muck around with "T2"'s own script in order for Schwarzenegger to be in the movie. Multivalent ironies like this -- which require that film audiences know all kinds of behind-the-scenes stuff from watching Entertainment Tonight and reading Premiere magazine -- are not commercial postmodernism at it's finest.
-David Foster Wallace
Alright, dammit. What song is this from? I mean - I know it's a Depeche Mode tune, but who covered it most recently?. Oooooo! Nevermind! It's that Trent Reznor guy from Nine Foot Roailroad Ties or something, isn't it?
-Mike "Moose" Wallace
Awright - don't MAKE me whip out a bottle of Stoli, angst boy...
-Mike Wallace
Faisal, I am at this moment checking your quote file. Don't disappoint.
-Mike Wallace
Hey now - don't get to thinking you're the only socially inept loser we have. You just happen to have passed the bar first. Lawyer.
-Mike Wallace
However, you must be aware of the following procedures ... otherwise you could find yourself checked into the Rain-Man Suite of the Hotel Smackdown.
-Mike Wallace
I had a splitting headache, and Chris had to lead me around by the hand to liquor stores.
-Mike Wallace
I just used an emoticon, I feel so unclean...
-Mike Wallace
I'll supply the buns (mine and otherwise) and enough angst for 20. If there's call for any more, talk to Vince. He should be able to take up the slack.
-Mike Wallace
In a word, Vodka. In a few more, Amaretto, Rum, Gin.
-Mike Wallace
It's an electro-industrial band - they're playing at Heaven tonight. $5. That's $29.95 too much.
-Mike Wallace
It's the urinal cakes - I swear to god. Try one.
-Mike Wallace
Stick this in your pope and smite it!
-Mike Wallace
Sure - long as it's entertaining and cheap. On that note - I suspect I'll spend the evening coding with kate.
-Mike Wallace
That may well be, but our socially inept losers have hot wives and can pass the bar on their first try. Lose this.
-Mike Wallace
The correct solution to a problem like this is to call my ass. If anyone's gonna be at Bardo at some point on any given night, it's gonna be me.
-Mike Wallace
The glide point bloweth mine arse! Thinkpad nipples gooooood!
-Mike Wallace
This is just like spin-the-bottle ... only freakishly wrong.
-Mike Wallace
Ultimately, communism cannot be, by definition, imposed by the state. Evidently, only Gene Roddenberry can pull it off. Er, God Rest His Ass.
-Mike Wallace
We'll be right there. By which I mean "Come over. We still have party drinks."
-Mike Wallace
Welcome to civilization-- get away from me!
-Mike Wallace
You couldn't ruthless your way out of a food fight, you wuss.
-Mike Wallace
There is little sense in worrying about winds and storms, for these things come and go of there own accord. Worry instead about your ship and crew, your supplies and sails, for over them alone have you command. Always remember that hard work is the hull of your ship, and careful planning the rigging that supports your sails. Curse not the Gods when your hopes and dreams seem certain to be crushed upon the rocks of reality. For it was you alone who charted the course, and you alone who must keep your dreams afloat.
-William Wallace
Politicians write history. It's too bad they don't read it, too.
-John H. Waller, Beyond the Khyber Pass: The Road to British Disaster in the First Afghan War"
This Inauguration was special much in the way that some olympics are special. It doesn't matter whether Georgie wrote that speech or even understood it. What does matter is that he participated. He did his best, and for that he deserves a medal and a big hug.
-Nancy Walls
This world is a comedy for those who think but a tragedy for those who feel.
-Horace Walpole
The history of African-Americans during the past 400 years is traditionally narrated as an ongoing struggle against oppression and indifference on the part of the American mainstream, a struggle charted as an upward arc progressing toward ever more justice and opportunity. This description is accurate, but there is another, equally true way of narrating that history, and its implications are as frightening for the country as a whole as they are for blacks as a group. The history of African-Americans since the discovery of the New World is the story of their encounter with technology, an encounter that has proved perhaps irremediably devastating to their hopes, dreams, and possibilities.
-Anthony Walton
Orthodoxy is my doxy; heterodoxy is another man's doxy.
-William Warburton
I'm not really big on stats. Stats are really for fantasy football players.
-Hines Ward
...this is a dark and terrible era where you will find little comfort or hope. If you want to take part in the adventure then prepare yourself now. Forget the power of technology, science and common humanity. Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for there is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter and the laughter of thirsting gods.
-Warhammer 40,000 promotional copy
Art is what you can get away with.
-Andy Warhol
Artists make things for people they don't really need.
-Andy Warhol
You have to do stuff that average people don't understand, because those are the only good things.
-Andy Warhol
It's a small class; you might as well learn something.
-Manfred Warmuth
If men are going to destroy the planet Earth and all its inhabitants with violence and wars, all men should be killed, to preserve the rest of human kind.
-Betsy Warrior
Excessive partiality for one foreign nation and excessive dislike of another cause those whom they actuate to see danger only on one side, and serve to veil and even second the arts of influence on the other. Real patriots who may resist the intrigues of the favorite are liable to become suspected and odious, while its tools and dupes usurp the applause and confidence of the people, to surrender their interests.
-George Washington
The United States is in no sense founded upon the Christian doctrine.
-George Washington
To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.
-George Washington
Unhappy it is, though, to reflect that a brother's sword has been sheathed in a brother's breast and that the once-happy plains of America are either to be drenched with blood or inhabited by slaves. Sad alternative! But can a virtuous man hesitate in his choice?
-George Washington
AOL really pushes that bozo theme to the limit, though.
-The Washington Post
BankAmerica Corp., the second-largest bank in the country and the largest in the Washington region, reported yesterday that $599 million in losses on securities trading in world markets and a loss of $372 million in bad loans to an investment and hedge fund firm in New York sent its third-quarter earnings down more than 78 percent. The company also revealed for the first time that it has an additional $1 billion in unsecured investments in the firm, D.E. Shaw & Co., and that it has purchased $20 billion in bonds and related securities from it. BankAmerica believes it will be able to hold those securities longer than Shaw could, allowing the bank to get a better price when the market turns around. "This is bad," said Thomas F. Theurkauf, a bank analyst at Keefe, Bruyette & Woods Inc. in New York.
-The Washington Post
...six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
-The Washington Post Magazine
WARNING: This page designed by programmers. According to our staff artists, viewing this page may be hazardous to your aesthetic health.
-Disclaimer at www.watervalley.net
A note on foreign shipments: canadian orders get an additional $3.00 tacked on to shipping, the rest of the world gets an additional $10.00 -- mostly because they're not as good at hockey and lacrosse.
-Shipping term on www.copyleft.net
In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it.
-Daniel Waters
UNIX developers design hard to use systems because they've only experienced hard to use sytems -- it's like child abuse.
-Ed Watkeys
Death Taxes Math Jazz
-on the wall of the Wean 5th floor men's room
As Pretoria goes, so goes my Mother's blood pressure.
-Angela Watson
I'd say I'm feeling a little under the weather, but considering Delaware's weather, I'd say I'm right on par.
-Angela Watson
One could not be a successful scientist without realizing, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid.
-James Watson
You've got to try and be with people who are brighter than yourself, you've got to be prepared sometimes to do things that people say you are not qualified to do, and since you know you are going to get in trouble, you ought to have someone to save you after you are in deep sh*t, so you better always have someone who believes in you.
-James Watson
Careful. We don't want to learn from this.
-Bill Watterson
Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression.
-Faye Wattleton
A friend is one who would help you move. A best friend is one who would help you move a body.
-Jeff Wayman
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
-Jeff Wayman
Several improbable, if not impossible, events would follow in succession. I would stand and struggle alone back to High Camp. Next day I'd stand again and negotiate the Lhotse Face. Then there would be the highest-altitude helicopter rescue ever. Those were the big things. The miracle was a quiet thing: I opened my eyes and was given a chance to try.
-Beck Weathers, on leaving Mt. Everest, alone, after 22 hours unconscious
Mixing woomen and alcohol is best done with a blender.
-Weave, #gothic
Look. I've got ONE JOB on this lousy ship. It's STUPID, but I'M GOING TO DO IT, okay?
-Sigourney Weaver as Gwen DeMarco, Galaxy Quest
I hate coke. I never drink it. I have never been able to get over the feeling that have I just payed a buck and a half for sugar water. Now diet coke? Diet coke is the deal of the century. For your measly dollar fifty you get to consume the sum total of thousands of years of technological invention and chemical experimentation. The alchemists, the scientists, the inventors, capitalists and robber-barons, chemists, industrialists, and metallurgists, all their creations have built up to this day when I can ingest a tiny aluminum can of chemicals manufactured to make me think I am consuming something.
-Morgan Webb
An infinte number of rednecks, in an infinite number of pickup trucks, firing an infinite number of shotguns at an infinte number of road signs, will produce all the great works of litareture - in braille.
-Stephen Webb
"Scalability" doesn't refer to how easy it is to climb over your computer's case.
-Tom Webb, alt.os.linux
The fastest HTTP requests are those that do not, in fact, occur.
-Joel Webber, Google Web Toolkit Core Libraries tech lead
Don't make me make you hurt me.
-Keith Weber
Despite what you might think, we don't just sit around mooning the hall monitor all day. Lots of people assume that a day at Bungie is a never-ending cavalcade of net games and bare buttocks, but there's a great deal of real work involved as well. There's a price to pay for all this glamour.
-webmaster@bungie.com
Did you know that Erwin Rommel earned the nickname "Desert Fox" after numerous officers saw him prancing naked across the African desert after dark with a dead chicken in his mouth? Don't believe that "brilliant tactician" horse puckey for a second.
-webmaster@bungie.com
It's not really possible to "like" Taco Bell, because Taco Bell isn't really a choice. Sometimes you just need to eat a mystery meat burrito at two in the morning, just like sometimes you simply need to travel to Philadelphia. Life is funny that way.
-webmaster@bungie.com
My latest idea is for a beat-em-up game in the Mortal Wombat vein called Friedrich Nietzsche's Art Of Fighting. The player basically has two kinds of attacks: the first attack will actually increase your opponent's health bar, while the second will kill the opponent instantly no matter how strong he or she is. Thus, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, in every possible sense. I'm sure there's a market for it.
-webmaster@bungie.com
Nobody likes a smartass. Unless you happen to be me, in which case you are adored by millions. Fifty Million Webmaster Fans Can't Be Wrong.
-webmaster@bungie.com
Right now IBM is running all these commercials focusing on these generally clueless businesspeople who just sit around surfing the web instead of working. And the first e-mail I get from an ibm.net address is from someone who apparently has nothing better to do than look at our webcam all day. Kinda funny when you think about it. Next time anyone asks me why OS/2 didn't catch on, I'll point them your way.
-webmaster@bungie.com
The Enforcer's reproductive methods are a subject for another day. A really bad day.
-webmaster@bungie.com
There's a time-worn adage about good things coming to those who wait, and another hoary old chestnut about Rome taking a long time to build, and another one about never judging a software company until you have walked a mile in their moccasins and coded a 3D engine with real terrain, real physics, and nut-crushing lightning effects. So cut us a little slack, jack.
-webmaster@bungie.com
I'm so insecure, I've put child safety seats on all of my mood swings.
-weegee@iglou.com
Relative calm is expected in South Central Los Angeles for the next several weeks, as looters stay home and try to program their new VCRs.
-Weekend Update
Anyone who wanted to force me out of this business will have to settle for the consolation prize of me having to tediously inform sources of a new e-mail address.
-David Weigel
I'm the kind of person with a nerf gun who'll shoot you if you cause me any problems
-Sam Weiler
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
-Darrin Weinberg
The effort to understand the universe is one of the very few things that lifts human life a little above the level of farce and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.
-Steven Weinberg
You will be impressed by my flawless German, thanks to the magic of speaking in English and being translated.
-David Weinberger
You know, I want to just advise people watching at home playing that now-popular drinking game of 'You take a shot whenever Republicans say something that's not true:' Please assign a designated driver.
-Antony Weiner
Any machine constructed for the purpose of making decisions, if it does not possess the power or learning, will be completely literal-minded. Woe to us if we let it decide our conduct, unless we have previously examined the laws of its action, and know fully that its conduct will be carried out on principles acceptable to us! On the other hand, the machine... which can learn and can make decisions on the basis of its learning, will in no way be obliged to make such decisions as we should have made, or will be acceptable to us. For the man who is not aware of this, to throw the problem of his responsibility on the machine, whether it can learn or not, is to cast his responsibility to the winds, and to find it coming back seated on the whirlwind. I have spoken of machines, but not only of machines having brains of brass and thews of iron. When human atoms are knit into an organization in which they are used, not in their full right as responsible human beings, but as cogs and levers and rods, it matters little that their raw material is flesh and blood. What is used as an element in a machine, is in fact an element in a machine. Whether we entrust our decisions to machines of metal, or to those machines of flesh and blood which are bureaus, and vast laboratories and armies and corporations, we shall never receive the right answers to our questions unless we ask the right questions... The hour is very late and the choice of good and evil knocks at our door.
-Norbert Weiner, The Human Use of Human Beings
You should never stand in love's way, especially if love is driving a bus.
-R. M. Weiner
To err is human...to really foul up requires the root password.
-David Weingart
In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing. But, you could see it a lot better.
-Dave Weinstein
Neither an explication of the principles of ubiquitous computing nor a list of the technologies involved really gives a sense of what it would be like to live in a world full of invisible widgets. To extrapolate from today's rudimentary fragments of embodied virtuality resembles an attempt to predict the publication of Finnegan's Wake after just having invented writing on clay tablets.
-Mark Weiser
You only have three or four hundred words to do this and please don't do it in Zapf Dingbats
-Matt Weiss
Never be fatalistic about the inevitability of nuclear war or the destruction of our environment. There are ways to avoid the holocaust and to make the world a cleaner place. We must never cease to search for them.
-Victor F. Weisskopf
Miracles sometimes occur, but one has to work terribly hard for them.
-Chaim Weizmann
The Internet is like one of those garbage dumps outside of Bombay. There are people, most unfortunately, crawling all over it, and maybe they find a bit of aluminum, or perhaps something they call sell. But mainly it's garbage.
-Joseph Weizenbaum
Don't pay attention to a word the press says. Wrap yesterday's fish in whatever they say tomorrow.
-Jack Welch
millihelen, n.: The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
-Tom Weller, Science Made Stupid
The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.
-H.G. Wells, "Time After Time"
There is no difference between Time and any of the three dimensions of Space, except that our consciousness moves along it.
-H. G. Wells
My name is Raquel Welch. I am here for visual effects, and I have two of them.
-Raquel Welch, presenting the Academy Award for Best Visual Effects
mechanical engineers build weapons. civil engineers build targets.
-Wendigo
And I proclaim that this newsgroup will not die, because it has a cool name. Long live the butt-harp!
-Drew Van der Werf
I just plugged and played!
-Jeremy Werner
Something's wrong with my monitor settings. This background looks like an Andy Warhol painting.
-Jeremy Werner
You have to feel the delete. Be the delete.
-Jeremy Werner and Brian Hales
We are men of action. Lies do not become us.
-Wesley, "the Princess Bride"
Emacs would have loaded the poor machine to the point where there was no more time to spend animating the dinosaurs, and everyone would have been home by lunchtime. And that would have made a very boring movie.
-John West
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
-Mae West
When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
-Mae West
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.
-Rebecca West
If the whole human race lay in one grave, the epitaph on its headstone might well be: 'It seemed a good idea at the time'.
-Rebecca West
This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.
-Western Union memo, 1877
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
-U.S. General William Westmoreland
I am fine, really... See, I can still remember my password...
-Alex Wetmore
There is an unwritten law in the making of any vampire work. This law is the law concerning the vampire ho. There must be at least three, and they must all act like lesbian sluts together. NO ONE IS COMPLAINING.
-"What Type of Vampire Are You?" quiz result
Turns out that with Jason Shellen that wasn't really much of a deterrent. "Why don't you make an Atom parser in Javascript?", he asked. Which, for the non-geeks, is his asking me to make something that turns something into something else which could be used to represent data that was basically about cat photos.
-Chris Wetherell
Are you kidding me? If I had a submission posted, that would make me cool, and that would begin the slow unraveling of the very fabric of space-time. If this post isn't the poster-child for karma whoring, I don't know what is. I am Jack's.sig
-Wil Wheaton on Slashdot
Meeting chicks? Dude. I was 13. If you'd have put a naked girl and a 720 degrees set to free play in front of me, I would have said, "Skate or Die!" as I pushed her aside.
-Wil Wheaton
So I'm back from outerspace, and I just came in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I changed my stupid IP, I even changed my URL. The only thing left to do is put up pics of naked girls!!
-Wil Wheaton
I think the mistakes I've made in my own life have plagued me, but they're pretty boring mistakes: I committed a series of grisly murders in the eighties and I think I once owned a Wilson-Phillips Album.
-Joss Whedon
Nikki Finke says the Terminator concept is played. Well, here's what I have to say to Nikki Finke: you are a fine journalist and please don't ever notice me.
-Joss Whedon
The problem with the third act is the first two acts.
-Joss Whedon
We got into a problem with that. We kept saying, "This monster can't be killed." It's like, "Well, have you used violence?"
-Joss Whedon
Whether it's tax policy or dieting, you can't have your cake and lose weight, too, which is why America currently has huge deficits and a lot of fat people.
-Charles Wheelan, Ph.D.
Minority report given by Joshua and Caleb: Nahbi's report of giants in the land partly due to his using binoculars for which he was not checked out. Besides, God is bigger. Recommendation: Let's Rumble
-The Whirlwind Bible Tour
If you like caffeine and can't stand coffee, drink Mountain Dew. If you drink a case of the stuff within a short amount of time, you can't blink. It's really cool.
-David Paul White
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
-E. B. White
I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens.
-E. B. White
No one should come to live in New York unless he is willing to be lucky.
-E. B. White
No two countries with a MacDonald's Restaurant have ever gone to war with one another.
-Matthew White
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
-Theodore H. White
It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
-Alfred North Whitehead
There are no whole truths; all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.
-Alfred North Whitehead
The vigor of civilized societies is preserved by the widespread sense that high aims are worth-while. Vigorous societies harbor a certain extravagance of objectives, so that men wander beyond the safe provision of personal gratifications. All strong interests easily become impersonal, the love of a good job well done. There is a sense of harmony about such an accomplishment, the Peace brought by something worth-while.
-Alfred North Whitehead, 1963, "The History of Manned Space Flight"
Wake up Harry, you're having a very important nightmare.
-Gavin Whitehope, Wild Palms
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.
-Katharine Whitehorn
If the shoe were on the other foot, Microsoft would have left it in and called it a feature.
-Derren Whiteman
If fighting were like this, you guys would never see me. I'd be at the mall picking fights every night.
-Whitney
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
-Dennis Wholey
The authors take no credit for hurt feelings or crushed egos, and that being said, all death threats will be laughed at. In other words, it's a story. You bring your lawyers, we'll bring our automatic weapons, it'll be a party.
-Wide Open Spaces disclaimer
You have to travel to America to truly understand what it means to think big.
-Volker Wieland
Overall, however, the adaptation falls flat, lacking the true grit of its characters, lacking, in fact, in both the Fear and Loathing Departments.
-Brad Wieners reviewing the radio adaptation of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
The broken network is the broken computer.
-Mike Wiese
A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
-Alfred E. Wiggam
Men were made big, and small. Samuel Colt made them all equal. Now, Gaston Glock has made some better than others.
-Dave Wiggins
net access at denny's, and a big gun. cool.
-Dave Wiggins
Please refrain from touching that extremely cool piece of equipment.
-Dave Wiggins
Physics is becoming so unbelievably complex that it is taking longer and longer to train a physicist. It is taking so long, in fact, to train a physicist to the place where he understands the nature of physical problems that he is already too old to solve them.
-Eugene Wigner
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
-Oscar Wilde
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
-Oscar Wilde
Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes.
-Oscar Wilde
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable we have to change it every six months.
-Oscar Wilde
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
-Oscar Wilde
The brotherhood of man is not a mere poet's dream; it is a most depressing and humiliating reality.
-Oscar Wilde
The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.
-Oscar Wilde
The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
-Oscar Wilde
The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.
-Oscar Wilde
The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.
-Oscar Wilde
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.
-Oscar Wilde
To do nothing is the most difficult thing in the world -- the most difficult and the most intellectual.
-Oscar Wilde-
Football is a mistake. It combines two of the worst things about American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
-George Will
happiness is not a condition that is produced or stands on its own; rather, it is a frame of mind that accompanies an activity. But another frame of mind comes first. It is a steely determination to do well.
-George Will
If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles beginning with the word "National".
-George Will
Am I the only one who thinks MC Hammer and Rammstein should play at Hammerstein?
-Andrew Williams
Could you turn the light down from 'Inquisition' to 'mellow?'
-Andrew Williams
I thought they weren't gonna let me in, cuz i'm not dressed dumb.
-Andrew Williams
It's 'Thorns'? I thought it was called 'all fat chicks on the dancefloor'.
-Andrew Williams
Oh Bite Me, It's Fun
-Andrew Williams
uunet doesn't have outages. they have unscheduled network de-optimizations.
-Andrew Williams
Some days - usually Mondays - I wish I had someone to tell me what I should be doing. I mean besides thousands of Blogger users.
-Evan Williams
The movie is safeguarded from spoilers, because spoiling it would require understanding what the hell happened.
-John Williams
I had some ideas about some performance art with a guy named Jeremy. Only it's Ron Jeremy!
-Mark Williams
Why can't we just shoot him in the head. Can we do that? Just shoot him, right in the head. God help me...
-Mark Williams
It's an exercise in understanding exactly what the Internet community wants: namely, a handsome shirtless man beating a pirate-shaped piñata with a petrified fish for the amusement of Demi Moore.
-Mary Elizabeth Williams
We Americans, we're a simple people... but piss us off, and we'll bomb your cities.
-Robin Williams
Don't confuse arrogance with chronic correctness.
-Steve Williams
It's been a horrible year for Disney. I'm all for gentlemanly fair play. I enjoy a nice sporting match. But it's time to kick Disney when it's down. Why? Because when it comes back up, it will be buying the Social Security system and using new revenues to pipe the lyrics to "Be Our Guest" subliminally from low Earth-orbiting satellites. I'll turn into a lobotomized Angela Lansbury in her younger years, and animatronic bluegrass-loving bears will run the DMV.
-Tish Williams, Upside
If the American dream is for Americans only, it will remain our dream and never be our destiny.
-Rene de Visme Williamson
It's not a slippery slope, it's a vertical drop into oblivion here.
-Oliver Willis
Or, to use Occam's Razor, they are unbelievably stupid.
-Oliver Willis
The Washington Redskin's season hinges on the performance of their head coach and starting quarterback. What insight! What talent! Surely, the brainiacs that come to such conclusions could only work for a major newspaper like The Washington Post!
-Oliver Willis
As for the larger question of whether our books are suitable for learning how to program: I was first going to contradict what 'the publisher' said in his article, but then I noticed that he was quoting me. I quickly changed my strategy.
-Frank Willison
You know what I hate? It's all the 'My' stuff these days. Hailstorm has MyProfile, MyNotifications, MyContacts (I lose them all the time), MyWallet, MyUsage. . . Please! I'm not a three year-old or a Jack Russell Terrier. I'm not mesmerized by the first person singular possessive pronoun. I know that if it's in Hailstorm it's not mine; Microsoft has it and charges me to use it. I'm old-fashioned; I keep MyWallet in MyPants, next to MyAss. And guess what you can do, MyCrosoft?
-Frank Willison
That's the beautiful thing about working in the financial markets; eventually, stupid stuff happens.
-Fred Wilson
HEY NOW!!!! YOU'RE MAKING ME WRITE IN ALL CAPS.
-Kristiina Wilson
i don't blame you. it sounds like the time for her to get OUT of the 7th grade is: now.
-Kristiina Wilson
i don't think i even need to comment on the extreme idiocy of the rest of that forward. i would, however, like to comment on the fact that burning man makes me spew exclamation points like there's no tomorrow. it's kind of scary.
-Kristiina Wilson
... i found myself making pissy comments about all their pissy comments. it was pretty dumb.
-Kristiina Wilson
I HEART CHEAP IRONY
-Kristiina Wilson
i think what modern art needs to do next is staple marilyn manson to a wall. shock value PLUS the crucifixtion cliche!
-Kristiina Wilson
i think you should rework that statement. a much more useful version is: "From now on, anyone gets smacked."
-Kristiina Wilson
If you go to school with 1,500 kids in cheap chinos and brew-thru tshirts, 50% of them wear baseball caps and %75 percent like emmet swimming while %23 prefer pearl jam, how many people do you know that totally suck? Also, if %97 of the girls squeal a LOT and talk about beer, how many do you kill?
-Kristiina Wilson
In the interest of obnoxiousness, and also so that people who don't know me personally won't recognize me on the street, these images are all one of 3 things: stupid, old or embarassing. Because we all know i never act or look that way anymore. Yeah.
-Kristiina Wilson
I'm Marilyn Mansonite Zero! I'm SSOOOSOo Energetically moody.
-Kristiina Wilson
i'm not sure when my feelings towards design turned from interest to hate. oh no wait, i AM. i guess that would be when i SOLD OUT.
-Kristiina Wilson
join the club, learn the handshake, shoot yourself.
-Kristiina Wilson
Look! A GothiKKKKKKKK Wanker!
-Kristiina Wilson
on a side note, i seem to have finally gotten over my "stupid men" phase. this probably means i'll go back into my "nun" phase or my "angst" phase or perhaps just stay here stuck in my annoying "quotes" phase.
-Kristiina Wilson
quotesfiled. i love how i always inform people of that, like it's some BIG HONOR that requires notification. "Look! I have validated not only your witty speech patterns, but also your existance! ON THE WEB!"
-Kristiina Wilson
SO, U WANT TO BE AN ARTIST? OR JUST ACT LIKE ONE? WELL NOW U CAN! 4 ONLY $75, U 2 CAN SPEND A WEEK IN THE DESERT, ROUGHING IT WITH OTHER 'CREATIVES' AND MAKING 'CONCEPT PIECES' ON THE INTERNET! DON'T FORGET TO PACK YOUR ATTITUDE, YOUR WILLINGNESS TO PAY FOR FAKE INSPIRATION AND COMMUNITY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOUR IGNORANCE!
-Kristiina Wilson
Speaking of Marilyn Manson, there are no spooky kids here. What there are instead are millions of mosquitos. They try to suck your blood, but at least they don't try to do it while going to the Bank wearing capes and fangs and K-RAD plastic pants.
-Kristiina Wilson
when i was a freshman here i dated this horrible guy who used to wear ruffly shirts like that, becuase he was SUPERGOTH. he turned out to just be a big wanker. which is really the same thing.
-Kristiina Wilson
wow - that's an impressive headache. it causes pain AND sounds like a bad art film. oh no wait, those are the same thing.
-Kristiina Wilson
wow - they're, like, BURNING their art! how cool! how anti-establishment! how esoteric! watch them as they cut the edge!
-Kristiina Wilson
You're using irc? I'm not going to talk to you any more. You know what's next, right? "Vampire: The Masquerade"
-Kristiina Wilson
It is impossible, by examining any significant piece of completed code, to determine within a factor of two how many man-hours it took to produce that code.
-Kyle Wilson
Talking about a software development schedule more than a year out is like talking about where we go after we die.
-Kyle Wilson
pilots are usually the first to arrive at the scene of a crash
-Les Wilson
There's a fine line between glamor and trash, and I don't care if I cross it as long as I'm drenched in fake fur.
-Mehitobel Wilson
Your professor was a bozo. Unless he was somebody important, of course :-)
-Paul Wilson
Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures; costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who receives, and thus, like mercy, is twice blessed.
-Erastus Wiman
People have never respected Matrox and that's because its name features conventional capitalisation. Anyone who is serious about making good 3D cards ensures that their names have an odd mix of capital and lower case letters: 3Dfx, nVidia and even lowly ATi nowadays.
-wincent.org editorial
Another person who's smarter than I. What a relief to not have to be the smartest guy anymore.
-Dave Winer
Art and money are closely related. Try sitting down with a group of artists and ask them what's on their mind. Very quickly the topic shifts to money. And it can be very hard to get them off that subject.
-Dave Winer
Christmas parties for the last few years have been all about, "Oh, we're about to do our IPO" or "Oh, the greatest thing is, we're pre-IPO." That's wishful thinking. Maybe they've never heard of Murphy's law. It's boring. Money is boring.
-Dave Winer
Everything on the Internet is just like something else. Or if it's any good it's just like /everything/ else.
-Dave Winer
I don't want to say these things. That's why I'm saying them. You may not want to hear them. That's why you should hear them.
-Dave Winer
I edit in public. You may catch me saying something that I change my mind about later. When I see it on SN it looks different than when I type it in my outliner. You may not like this. Your sole recourse is to complain about it, over and over, in every possible forum, and say I'm corrupt or that you're threatened by this, but (key point) that won't change the way I write.
-Dave Winer
I was once quoted in Upside, saying that General Magic's MagicCap OS was like a waitress who made her personality the issue instead of the food. The metaphor was actually a bit more colorful.
-Dave Winer
I looked up 'standard' in the dictionary. There are eleven different definitions.
-Dave Winer
If you say Java again I'm going to puke.
-Dave Winer
Mark Pilgrim is accumulating bad news about Groove. Let me add a three items to Mark's list. 1. No Mac version. 2. Closed box. 3. $51 million from Microsoft.
-Dave Winer
Note that no one asked Mike if his code was open source or if his underwear is clean.
-Dave Winer
OK, he's a Yankees fan. Now I know why I don't like him.
-Dave Winer
One thing's for sure, in the war between freedom and fear, our side is going to have better t-shirts.
-Dave Winer
Over the weekend I exchanged email with a Unix guy who chastised me for being "insular" and proposed to tell me how to speak to Unix people with proper humility. Well, I only pray to one God in relation to computers, and His name is Murphy
-Dave Winer
That reminds me that everyone I knew at KnowNow is now somewhere else, so I don't really know anyone at KnowNow, now.
-Dave Winer
The infrastructure of the US is a long-term suspension of disbelief that such things won't be exploded deliberately by people who don't create anything.
-Dave Winer
The music industry, run by a bunch of people who probably understand music about as well as Steve Case and his little buddy do, stuff a cork up the ass of the distribution channel, and then complain about all the shit that's splattered all over the place. That there's demand for music delivered over the Internet is totally obvious. For the 18th time in eight years, we're waiting for the idiots to get out of the way and let the goddam business develop.
-Dave Winer
The NY Times editorial page is still name-calling and dividing, a sure formula for continuing agony. A ton of unnecessary conjecture, when the reason for impeachment is now obvious. Clinton was blowing off the Republicans, and they decided to blow him away. Now that everyone has acknowledged each other's power to blow in one way or another, the NY Times editorial page, which is a worldwide opinion leader, could get a clue and join the cause they're promoting, leadership.
-Dave Winer
This is a good time to review the state of distributed computing because it's not totally messed up yet.
-Dave Winer
We've been told to expect stunning breakthroughs from people who are expert in RDF. We've been waiting for years. When they come we will be suitably impressed.
-Dave Winer
What about the personal information they ask for (gender, age, occupation). He said "You don't have to tell the truth." You're telling me to lie? He said he didn't say that. Of course I lied. I'm a female government employee born on this day in 1980.
-Dave Winer
When you hear "ecosystem" instead say "egosystem" and see if it still works.
-Dave Winer
Write the first draft. Boldface the bits you want to emphasize. Delete all the unboldened stuff. Delete the boldening.
-Dave Winer
Yes it's sad they died. Yes. But it's also great that they lived.
-Dave Winer
You get the software you pay for. In every sense. To the nth degree. That's the way the world works.
-Dave Winer
You guys love us. But when Microsoft comes along and offers weblogging tools, you will use them, and will be happy, but will find an element of sadness underneath the satisfaction. You will remember how good we were, but that won't matter. You'll remember how we believed in the Web, as you do, and didn't try to change your content or force your readers to use Passport, or try to kill your favorite platform vendor, or how we supported choice in tools, instead of trying to lock you in to our way of doing things. You'll use the tools that everyone else uses, because you accept that you are slaves to The Machine. You'll wish it weren't so, but that's just the way it is.
-Dave Winer
A random old-time Lisp hacker’s collection of macros will add up to an undocumented, unportable, bug-ridden implementation of 80% of Haskell because Lisp is more powerful than Haskell.
-Rudolf Winestock
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."
-Winnie the Pooh
The computer industry is journalists in their 20's standing in awe of entrepreneurs in their 30's who are hiring salesmen in their 40's and 50's and paying them in the 60's and 70's to bring their marketing into the 80's.
-Marty Winston
Desi was odd, and Gloria wasn't altogether sure that she liked her. Or maybe she liked her a lot. Both were reasons to back away. She decided to go and ask Doris about the nature of affection, but Doris had been put to work on a papier-mache heathen temple and didn't have time to be metaphysical....
-Jeanette Winterson, Boating for Beginners
For a moment Gloria felt her diving bell keel to one side: her mother had managed to score a direct hit despite eighteen years of careful preparation. Was there no justice in the world? No. She thought about an article she had once seen on mind control. Apparently if there was a person fiendish enough to set about interfering with your life, the only thing you could do was to concentrate hard on someone they were unlikely ever to have heard of called Martin Amis. The particular blankness of this image was guaranteed to protect from any subtle force, but Gloria realised with a sinking heart that it was too late now.
-Jeanette Winterson, Boating for Beginners
...the true artist is always rich. I have no patience with those who toil away in squalor, claiming to develop new art forms. The experimental novel is a waste of public funds, and I'm sure Noah would agree with me.
-Jeanette Winterson, Boating for Beginners
We were so happy those wet carefree nights. I felt we were like Dr. Watson and Sherlock Holmes. I knew my place. And then Catherine said she was leaving. She didn't want to do it but she felt that a writer doesn't make a good companion. 'It's only a matter of time,' she said, 'before I become an alcoholic and forget how to cook.' I suggested we wait and try to ride it out. She shook her head sadly and patted me. 'Get a dog.'
-Jeanette Winterson, Written on the Body
I view the landslide of C use in education as something of a calamity.
-Niklaus Wirth
Increasingly, people seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication, which is baffling -- the incomprehensible should cause suspicion rather than admiration. Possibly this trend results from a mistaken belief that using a somewhat mysterious device confers an aura of power on the user.
-Niklaus Wirth
People seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication.
-Niklaus Wirth
Hi, I'm new to this group and was reading about cyberpunk. I was wondering if there is a version out for the macintosh??? If so could someone please let me know, and tell me what is required to run it.
-Michael A. Wisniewski Jr.
Never rise to speak till you have something to say; and when you have said it, cease.
-Witherspoon
All right, this is the plan. We'll get in there and get wrecked. Then we'll eat a pork pie. Then we'll go home and drop a couple of Surmontil 50's each. That means we'll miss out on Monday, but come up smiling on Tuesday morning.... Nothing ever happens on Mondays. I hate bastard Mondays.
-Withnail, Withnail and I, Bruce Robinson
Mathematics is a logical method ... Mathematical propositions express no thoughts. In life it is never a mathematical proposition which we need, but we use mathematical propositions only in order to infer from propositions which do not belong to mathematics to others which equally do not belong to mathematics.
-Ludwig Wittgenstein
Philosophers are often like small children who scribble random marks on paper and then ask an adult, "What is this?"
-Ludwig Wittgenstein
The riddle does not exist. If a question can be put at all, then it can also be answered.
-Ludwig Wittgenstein
There can never be surprises in logic.
-Ludwig Wittgenstein
We could present spatially an atomic fact which contradicted the laws of physics, but not one which contradicted the laws of geometry.
-Ludwig Wittgenstein
A certain critic - for such men, I regret to say, do exist - made the nasty remark about my last novel that it contained 'all the old Wodehouse characters under different names'. He has probably by now been eaten by bears, like the childrenwho made mock of the prophet Elisha: but if he still survives he will not be able to make a similar charge against Summer Lightning. With my superior intelligence, I have outgeneralled the man this time by putting in all the old Wodehouse characters under the same names. Pretty silly it will make him feel, I rather fancy.
-P. G. Wodehouse
I'm the misfit of the group, and I think they need me like a beauty pageant needs a Nosferatu.
-Jordan Wolbrum
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye... then it's fun and games without depth perception!
-Daniel Wolf
To truly appreciate the dramatic arc of the story of Louis and Wired, you have to understand that he was nobody. He had no experience, no credentials, no credibility, no connections. He was 42 years old when he launched Wired, and he had never accomplished anything that an accomplished person would take seriously. Not to mention that his idea for a magazine, if you analyzed it in any businesslike way, was a very bad one.
-Michael Wolff
Selections from THE GEORGE BUSH HAIKU COMPETITION: Bush goes to Japan; Loses tennis, lunch and face; Winter of vomit
-wolit@mhuxd.att.com
Be very, very careful what you put into that head, because you will never, ever get it out.
-Thomas Cardinal Wolsey
crop circles are just the aliens' way of publishing their public keys.
-Meng Wong
I'm Network Spice.
-Cameo Wood
Sashimi Camarilla. Covert fish eating activities. Route some unagi my way.
-Cameo Wood
The amount of time spent talking about emacs - an infinitely customizable kitchen-sink editor and travesty of lisp that you no longer want to customize after you've invested semi-infinite time learning it to the point where you can actually customise it to the way you'd have expected an editor to function before you'd succumbed to the meme of emacs and how RMS believes an editor should work despite years of human-interface work to the contrary - was disproportionately large compared to the time spent talking about gcc.
-Lloyd Wood
Wow! So tell me, how does a functional illiterate like yourself get a job at an RBOC these days? Mmm, perhaps that's a foolish question. Did you ever think it would be your inability to communicate that would make you this famous? Can I have your autograph?
-Bill Woodcock
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
-John Wooden
There is no limit to what a man can do or how far he can go if he doesn't mind who gets the credit.
-Robert Woodruff
SCSI is NOT magic. There are fundamental technical reasons why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat to your SCSI chain now and then.
-John Woods
Use the root password for an important host, and listen carefully for someone shouting "YES!!!"
-John Woods on how to check for packet sniffers
All good work is done in defiance of management.
-Bob Woodward
For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
-Virginia Woolf
Lock up your libraries if you like, but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.
-Virginia Woolf
People would rather live with a problem they cannot solve rather than accept a solution they cannot understand.
-Woolsey-Swanson Rule
Woo hoo! Laid off! 2001 will go down in history as the "Year of Getting Laid... Off."
-Tom Working
I guess we're getting a valuable education learning what it's like being a drudge in a major corporation. When you get into a tedious job, so that year after year you begin praying for death as an escape from the monotony of it all, you'll know this class helped prepare you for it.
-Paul Workman
I was asked back in the early days of the lawsuit [against Microsoft] to write an Op-Ed piece for the New York Times, but they didnt print it. I got a letter back from the editor months later saying that maybe theyd run it, but it needed a little fixing. So, [I said] re-write it. I wrote Microsofts a monopolist and the Times wanted to edit it to say, Microsoft is innovative. The funny thing is that I had started out in my own head without having a bias. I thought Microsoft did a lot of things that were good and right building parts of the browser into the operating system. Then I thought it out and came up with reasons why it was a monopoly. I specified the strong penalties they should undergo. Eventually I found out that the New York Times had tight friendship ties with Microsoft and that one of Microsofts key people had an editorial column in the Times. They were trying to use me. But I know newspapers. They have the first amendment and they can tell any lie knowing its a lie and theyre protected if the persons famous or its a company.
-Steve Wozniak
So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'
-Steve Wozniak
No house should ever be on any hill or on anything. It should be of the hill, belonging to it.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
The two most important tools an architect has are the eraser in the drawing room and the sledge hammer on the construction site.
-Frank Lloyd Wright
No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris ... [because] no known motor can run at the requisite speed for four days without stopping...
-Orville Wright
Heaven is by Grace. If it was by merit you'd stay out & your dog would go in.
-Steven Wright
Sex with Rachel was great. It was amazing. It was like a concert, it really was. She screamed a lot. And threw frisbees around the room. And when she wanted more, she'd light a match.
-Steven Wright
The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost went back in time.
-Steven Wright
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
-Steven Wright
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
-Steven Wright
I was wondering how you got him out of the house and into manray. He looked like living death. Then again we all looked like living death. Some of us on purpose.
-wsmith@sunspot.tiac.net
The only person who got all his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
-Andreas Wuertz
Originally employed in 1982 as a form of psychoacoustic mood therapy for latent homosexuals, synthpop has since mutated into a form of psychoacoustic mood therapy for latent homosexuals.
-www.rmifaq.com
When you killed your daughter, your pulse never rose above normal. We're alike in that way, but my crimes will be grander, I assure you. One day I will put out the sun, and make bare every womb that ever was.
-Coty Wyckoff, Wild Palms